The 5 Kinds of “La Toxicas” You Meet in El Paso
Recently spotted around El Paso: bumper stickers, tee shirts, and even fingernails bearing the words “La Toxica”.
Guys, if a woman is willing to ANNOUNCE that she is “La Toxica”…you should believe them!
What are the markers and characteristics of a “La Toxica”?
These women might be out there in El Paso right now. Who knows? YOU might match with one of them on Tinder today! It’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with La Toxicas in their natural habitats. So, with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy…
“She Might be a Toxica, IF…”
1.)“If She Feeds Hot Cheetos to the Monkeys at the Zoo…She Might be La Toxica”
Last year an El Paso woman entered a monkey habitat at the El Paso zoo to FEED THE ANIMALS FLAMIN’ HOT CHEETOS!
She ended up getting fired from her job at a local law firm, only to be hired by a competing local law firm that knows a good gimmick when they see it.
I’m not saying a gal who goes into a zoo enclosure to feed spicy chips to primates wouldn’t be a FUN person. But, she’s probably a little Toxica.
2.) “If She Calls You Out on Social Media for Taking Her on a Date to Chili’s…She Might be La Toxica”
In 2021 Lisa Sanchez wrote about a woman who took to Twitter to complain that a guy had the AUDACITY to take her on a first date to (gasp) Chili’s!
I guess some women just don’t appreciate high-class delicacies like the Quesadilla Explosion Salad or those bomb-ass Southwestern Guac-o-Eggrolls. But, if she’s complaining about Chili’s after a first date it’s a sure thing she’ll be complaining about Café Central after the THIRD date.
3.) “If she went viral for having sex in the back of a Tacoma at a UTEP tailgate…she might be la toxica”
In 2021 we wrote about an amorous couple who gave in to the romantic ambiance of a UTEP parking lot by knocking boots in the back of a Toyota Tacoma. Well, at least SOMEBODY had no trouble scoring at a UTEP football game.
Somebody actually posted a video of this. WARNING: only follow this link.
Of course, if you come across this lovely young woman IRL you’d only recognize her by the bottom of her feet.
4.) “If She’s Ever Thrown Her Pee at a Cop…she Might be La Toxica”
This story is from earlier this year in El Paso. She was already under arrest for being “drunk and disorderly” BEFORE she even threw her pee at a police officer!
5.) “If She HAS Kids but Doesn’t have Custody of Her Kids…she Might be La Toxica”
No article to link for this one. Just, take my word on it.