“Colonel” Harlan David Sanders was born on September 9, 1890. Here are some interesting facts about Col. Sanders that you might not know followed by facts that I’m sure you DON’T know because I made them up. First, the true facts about the Colonel.

  • He was already in his 60s before he came up with his chicken business.
  • Previously, he had been a lawyer, a ferry boat operator, an insurance salesman and a…whatever the male version of a mid-wife is.
  • He quit being a lawyer after he got in a fistfight with a client IN COURT. He was forbidden from practicing law after that.
  • When he owned a gas station he got into a shoot-out with a competitor and he actually shot the other guy.
  • He wasn’t really a colonel, at least not in the military. “Colonel” is an honorary title bestowed by the governor of Kentucky.
  • Sanders was made a “colonel” TWICE in his lifetime.

Now, here are a few more “facts” about Col. Sanders that I can’t completely verify.

  • His original concept was “Kentucky Fried ‘Possum”
  • As a young boy he dreamed of one day launching America’s obesity epidemic, a goal he would eventually accomplish.
  • His food has now killed more Southerners than the Civil War and ringworm COMBINED.
  • The carpet did indeed match the drapes.
  • He lived to the ripe old age of 90, forty years more than his average customer.
  • The only person to ever peddle more breasts and thighs was Hugh Hefner.
  • Unlike Popeye’s his chicken isn’t spicy and unlike Chick-fil-A he didn’t believe all gays are going to hell.
  • Like Taylor Swift’s “Swifties” and Lady Gaga’s “Little Monsters” there’s a special name for enthusiastic fans of KFC: Diabetics.

Happy Col. Sanders Day, ya’ll!