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Johnnie Walker

I've never been good at filling these things out, but here it goes. I like long walks in cold mountain air, preferably with snow on the ground. I enjoy drinking fine soda by the crackling fire, and deep tissue massage. I hope to one day grow up an become and astronaut, so I can fly to Venus to see if that's really where women come from. If it's true, I'll bring one back for you, too. Unless it's a dude you want, and then you're out of luck...sorry. My favorite month is October, because Halloween is the best holiday ever! It allows me to openly proclaim my love and obsession with scary movies without being seen as some sort of lunatic. Okay, not too much of a lunatic. I'm a huge fan of rock and metal music, and you'll often hear me blasting the control room speakers into oblivion every night during my show. My engineer doesn't like me very much, since he has to fix them. Sorry, Mike.

Kick-Ass 2 Hits Theaters in August – Get Your Ass Kicked With the Red-Band Trailer [VIDEO]

I loved Kick-Ass. It's funny, gritty, violent and a little girl spews profanity like Andrew Dice Clay. Somehow that makes her dialog even more hysterical. The sequel is coming this August, and I'm pumped for it! The main peeps are back, and are bringing Jim Carrey with them! Here's the trailer, and of course, it's the Red-Band version, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Really NSFW. Really Really.

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The Destruction of the Death Star – An Inside Job or a Crazy Conspiracy? You Decide

It's been many years since the destruction of the Death Star, and there have been many questions about the incident since. Of course, there are those who deny the Death Star even existed, but the deniers have never been able to explain away all the information or video footage. But what has never been explored in depth, is the likelihood of the "impossible" shot that brought the moon-sized space station down.

Could it have been an inside job?

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Ladies, Are You a Social Farter – “Do You Want to Go Outside for a Fart?”

Ladies, the next time you see a guy at a party, or a bar, or wherever, and you want to get to know him a little bit better. This is the pickup line to use. He'll instantly know you're a cool, fun, open person who isn't there to play games. It could start the most amazing relationship either of you have ever imagined; a completely transcendent, life-changing experience!

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What Albums Are Coming Out Tomorrow? Johnnie Has a Few to Tell You About and His Pick of the Week!

Tuesday is the release day for albums and DVDs and such here in the US, and I thought I'd start sharing some of the things coming out every week, in case you're looking for some new music to check out, or might have forgotten about some.

This is by no means a complete list, as I don't want to bore you, or myself, with a long list of crappy pop albums that always seem to be coming out.

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Lisa's bracelet left behind. Is this cool jewelry? Please help me understand.

Can Someone Explain to Me the Concept Behind Massive Jewelry?

Dear Abby,

It's something that used to be just, "Look at the size of the rock her fiancee got her as an engagement ring!", and has now become, "Jesus! Look at the size of that plastic thing on her hand!"

I will admit right now, that I am fashion illiterate.

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Category: Humor, Opinion Tags: ,

KLAQ’s Bathroom Woes – What The Heck Are The Women Doing In There?

So our ladies bathroom has been down since Friday, because the ladies in the building are doing strange things in there. We had a nasty leak in our hallway, a busted pipe, and lots of stink. And women say guys are disgusting. So, while the plumbers are trying to bring the ladies' room back from the dead, we're all having to share the men's. Please knock before you stumble into someone else's moaning stench.

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The Invention We All Wish We Had For Our Dogs – Automated Ball-Thrower! [VIDEO]

Before you pull a muscle or blow out a rotator cuff playing with Killer, the angry Pomeranian your wife made you get, see if you know any engineers who can help you with one of these bad boys. This will take all the ball-throwing off your plate, and replace it with drink-more-beer-while-the-machine-throws-the-ball-for-the-dog time.

And that, my friends, is a win for everyone.

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WTF VIDEO: Get Ready For the Most Amazing Video – This Guy Has 10 Octaves!

Forgot about Mariah Carey's crappy one wants to listen to dolphin-singing, anyway. But this guy is even giving Rob Halford, Bruce Dickinson and Geoff Tate a run for their money! He doesn't look like much, but check out his amazing range, which he leads with phenomenal keyboard playing, as well. Enjoy!

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Category: Humor Tags: ,
nuke em high

For All You Schlock-Movie Fans Out There – Troma Is At It Again, With Lemmy In Tow!

Okay, I will admit it now. I have actually watched movies like The Toxic Avenger, Nuke 'Em High, and others from the nut-jobs at Troma. They were huge in the 80's, with their ridiculously bad, insanely violent movies. The crazy thing about their latest work-in-progress, "Return to Nuke 'Em High" is that it looks exactly like the other movie from the 80's!

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Category: Humor Tags: , , ,

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