The biggest news to ever hit the world has been released this weekend! Apparently, sex REALLY makes people happy! It's not just something to do to piss off the church or your parents anymore, it's actually an approved happiness-building exercise! So now, your days of run-of-the-mill, by-the-numbers sex are over, you're actually allowed to enjoy it!

Hooray! We've been waiting for this news to come!

Wait, you mean you've been enjoying it all along? So, this study didn't really need to happen? But, what are people going to do with their tax dollars if they can't have it wasted on this kind of important research?

Next, you'll tell me we shouldn't be spending millions of dollars to find out if eating too much food will make you fat!

Here's a list of some other dumbass things taxpayer dollars are going toward:

  • The US Government is spending $750,000 on a new soccer field for the detainees at Guantanamo Bay.
  • The US government has spent $175,587 to determine is cocaine makes Japanese quail engage in sexually risky behavior. Seriously.
  • $200,000 was spent on a tattoo removal program in California.
  • $3 MILLION on studying World of Warcraft. How do I get on this payroll?
  • $615,000 was given to the University of California at Santa Cruz to digitize photos, T-shirts and concert tickets belonging to the Grateful Dead.
  • $2.6 MILLION training Chinese prostitutes to drink responsibly.

You can't make this stuff up!