World Captivated As William Shatner Is Shat Into Space From Van Horn

People have said and written a lot about actor William Shatner, not all of it positive. However, you have to say this about the guy: he looks GREAT... for a 90 year old man! That’s not a joke. The man is ACTUALLY 90 years old.

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THE MAN, THE MYTH

Not only did he become the oldest person to ever go to space he also climbed the 5 story staircase without stopping to catch his breath. If Bill Shatner has the secret to eternal youth, I’m going to start wearing a toupee and stealing lines from my fellow actors immediately! Just look at this spry, almost-century-old man!

BLAST OFF!

I watched the Blue Origin launch as it happened today and I was SO impressed by the accomplishment, both by Shatner and Bezos, that I "almost" regret writing a cynical, snarky update to the Star Trek opening monologue.

Almost.

“Sub-orbital space…the first frontier.

These are the voyages of a billionaire’s dong-shaped vanity project…the U.S.S. Penis Envy

It’s 11 minute mission: to take four super-privileged white people slightly high enough to float.

To explore earth’s upper-atmosphere. For the third time in two months.

To seek out more free publicity. To explore strange, new ways of separating gullible rich people from their money.

To timidly go…where, literally, hundreds of people have already gone.”

DEJA VU

Also, while watching Bill Shatner and Jeff Bezos together after the trip, I had this strange sense of déjà vu. Almost as if I’d seen this exact scene somewhere else before.

I'VE SEEN THIS

Then, it suddenly dawned on me where I’d seen this unlikely duo before, ohhhhhhhh.