New Line Cinema announced this week an upcoming action-comedy movie starring rapper Common, Brooklyn 99’s Andy Samberg and Craig Robinson from “The Office” and “Hot Tub Time Machine”.

“Super High” is described as a superhero movie about a special strain of marijuana that bestows super powers on anyone who smokes it. The screenplay is written by Adam Mansbach who wrote “Barry” about the life of young Barack Obama and “Go the F--- to Sleep” which famously had Samuel L. Jackson reading for the audiobook.

There’s no indication that THIS “Super High” is connected in any way to the 2017 French T.V. show “Super High”. If it isn’t, someone needs to tell Edouard Pluvieux, the creator of the French version. Because, judging by the trailer, it’s the EXACT SAME premise as this newly announced movie:

There’s no trailer yet for the Samberg/Common/Robinson “Super High” but it got me to thinking: what super powers might possibly be gained by smoking an especially mutant/fictional strain of weed?

Here’s what I came up with:

“Couch Lock”—his super power is the ability to remain so completely still on a couch for such a long period of time that he becomes functionally invisible.

“The Philosopher”---has the ability to decipher the mysteries of the universe by watching non-stop episodes of Spongebob.

“Rasta Man”---smoking makes his hair grow out into 10 foot long dreadlocks which he can control like tentacles. As soon as the weed wears off, his hair goes back to normal and he goes back to being a white college student named “Tyler”.

“The Phisherman”---secret power is the ability to not only listen to Phish for hours at a time but also to ACTUALLY ENJOY it.

“Captain Contact”---using the strength of his fumes alone, he has the power to make all who are near him ALSO very, very high.

“Gateway Girl”---is perfectly fine. UNLESS…she stays high after midnight. Then, her super-power is suddenly knowing the location and prices of all nearby coke dealers.

“Mack Guyver”---granted the ability to turn ANY inanimate object into something to smoke weed out of. Stick? Boom, it’s a pipe. Football? Leather bong. File cabinet? Mack will figure something out.

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