5 Ways To Die In El Paso

5 things in El Paso that can totally kill you.

The Black Widow

They cower in dark corners and under box corners so each time you pick up…anything…you risk being her next victim. Good luck finding those devilish little evil doers, they’re the Osama Bin Laden of the spider world.

Snakes

Sneaky snakes are everywhere. In the wood pile. In the tall grass on the Golf Course. In the desert sand hiding around that prickly cactus. As we learned in the movie City Slickers II, if you accidently squat on a cactus while doing your business, you could mistake that needle prick in the tush for fangs. Good luck finding someone to suck your ass if it really is a snake.

[Clip of Daniel Stern asking Billy Crystal…]

Lightning

Lightning can strike from miles away. Use this knowledge if your boss is a real dick. The next time a hellacious storm is in the Borderland invite them out for a round of Golf at a course near the storm and say, “start without me.”

Walking across a pasture

Pick the wrong pasture, with the wrong resident, and this risk is no bull.

Drinking the water

Well…not just any water, the water of the Rio Grande.

This is not a Mexican water joke, look at the upstream runoff. That’s a lot of surrounding land with a lot of cow poop. Plus, think about all those upstream swimmers. When’s the last time you didn’t just pee in the river after your 6^th beer?

A Chihuahua

I’m not talking about the dog, the license plate. 'Ya might want to avoid these drivers....