Things I Learned Watching the 88th Academy Awards

1.) Lack of diversity ceases to be a funny topic after the 273rd joke.

2.) Joe Biden is probably the wrong guy to talk about unwanted sexual advances.

3.) If you really want to sell Girl Scout cookies during an Oscars, do it a year that Michael Moore is there.

4.) Most people want to acknowledge others out loud, not with a tiny crawl moving at 60 mph across the screen.

5.) Hollywood won't cast Lou Gossett Jr. in big movies anymore but they will use him as a presenter if Morgan Freeman and Sam Jackson both say "no".

6.) Abe Vigoda wasn't as big a movie star as Stan Freberg, apparently

7.) Rape is a terrible thing and Hollywood condemns it unless it's done by Roman Polanski

8.) Leonardo DiCaprio really cares about global warming but I bet he takes private jets waaaay more than I do.

9.) More people should have gotten our Mad Max group Halloween costumes

10.) If you watch Walking Dead first then fast-forward through all the crappy parts, it takes exactly 17 minutes to catch up.