The wheels are down so there's no turning back from our descent into whatever hell Walter White might lead us into during the season finale of AMC's Breaking Bad this Sunday, but after the last couple of episodes the oxygen masks are already out.It's going to be a hairy landing, so let's hope we all do better than Wayfarer 515!
If we do, as we taxi to the gate it'll be like the very last moments of an amazing trip. You know, when you're already thinking about what you miss most. Here are the top five things I will miss most about Breaking Bad....
All The Ways Aaron Paul Used the Word Bitch
Jesse Pinkman may be a punk, but the actor who plays him, Aaron Paul, is a genius. It takes an amazing amount of talent to deliver a single word in so many ways!
Ya gotta like the guy for being honest about his career prospects from this point forward, too. Just ask Leonard Nimoy how his career went after playing Mr. Spock on Star Trek. Here's hoping Paul is up to the challenge, because it's going to be a real...well, you know...
Still, when you can inspire 20 different YouTube videos of you delivering that one word with different inflections and meanings -- that's talent...bitch!
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, ALBUQUERQUE!
Everyone knows how to spell it now, huh?
My hometown has really taken a star turn with all the references to it throughout the series. From seeing the Sandia Mountains in almost every outdoor shot to all those time-lapse shots of the city itself, Burque is like the set and an extra at the same time.
True, with all the murder and mayhem going on in the show you'd think the place was full of meth-heads and weirdness -- and it is, kind of. Take a leisurely walk down Central Avenue sometime and you'll see. Trippy. Hey, there's a reason people call it Albuquirky! Just ask Aaron Paul.
Blatant Albuquerque Food References!
But enough about the city, what about its food!
Throughout the series, one of the coolest things for me has been to see so many of the restaurants and local fast food joints I grew up with take a bow on screen.
This begins with the one and only Blake's Lotaburger. Through the years I've noticed the Lotaman show up in a number of different Breaking Bad episodes, including being handled by a meth whore as she brings some gangbanbers lunch.
Yay! Nothing like great product placement! Although the message here could be that green chile is potent enough to kill disease.
Speaking of product placement, remember when Walt placed that uncut pizza on the roof of his house? Yeah, that place is real, too. Venezia's Pizzeria. And so was the pizza on the roof, which turned out to be one of the cast and crew's favorite moments.
Albuquerque's food also played a prominent role in the last season when Hank and Marie sit down with Walt and Skyler to hash out some family business at Garduños, an extremely popular upscale Mexican food chain in Burque. Love how they got the salsa and the bottle of honey for the sopaipillas right, too!
My favorite local food scene, though? The amazing, hilarious, sometimes-cringe-worthy montage of Wendy the meth whore as she goes about her business, finally bringing her bag of Blake's to two of Walt and Jesse's meth rivals.
Say what you will about Mrs. Skyler White, and many have -- most comments ending with Jesse Pinkman's favorite word (see No. 1 above). But I think Anna Gunn is incredibly gifted in two very obvious ways...
What? She's a good actress!
Oh, that's only one way, isn't it?
I don't know about you, but to me the Carl's Junior/Hardees chicks take a back seat to this...
Maybe it's the Blake's. Maybe it's Anna's Gu...'scuze me...Anna Gunn. Either way, I will miss her.
Interestingly, of all the cast members, Gunn has the highest probability of having eaten a Lotaburger before the White's came to Burque, being from Santa Fe through her high school years before going to Northwestern.
Look at me, going on about food and Anna's incredible talents.
I need a green chile cheeseburger and a cold shower now.
Walt White's Tighty-Whities
I ask you, has there been any single man who has done more for the resurgence of plain white jockey shorts than Walter White?
Has there been an actor more willing to show his or her jiggly parts in a more unflattering light than Bryan Cranston?
Really, Fruit of the Loom needs to talk to Cranston's agent. There has to be something they can work out.
From the very first episode, Walter White has taken us on a tighty-whitey trip through the testicle-trapping trunks and their amazing lack of coolness.
They're so uncool that they're cool.
One of my favorite parts of the next-to-last episode -- and what had to be something of an inside joke -- was seeing Walt wake up in rural New Hampshire in long johns!
Too far away from Albuquerque, though, Walt. Come on back to the warm desert southwest one last time and show us how it's done before it's done.
Bring it home. We're waiting to see how this ends and we can barely restrain ourselves.