The Scourge of Glurge

GLURGE-Sickeningly sweet stories with a moral, often hiding slightly sinister undertones.

I'm going to present the case that this kind of posting is evil. Stories about sick children or people who bravely sacrificed their lives is evil, you say!??

Yes. Evil. And immoral. You should stop doing it. You know who you are.

Here's a glurge someone posted on Facebook just yesterday:                    "14 YEAR OLD BOY WAS SHOT 6 TIMES BY HIS STEPFATHER,THIS BOY WAS PROTECTING HIS LITTLE 2 YEAR OLD SISTER WHO WAS ABOUT TO BE RAPED BY THIS POOR EXCUSE OF A MAN.THE LITTLE GIRL DID NOT GET HURT THANKS TO HER BRAVE OLDER BROTHER. THEIR MOM WAS AT WORK WHEN ALL THIS HAPPENED. NOW THIS BRAVE YOUNG MAN IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE ,BUT DOCTRS SAY HE WILL NOT SURVIVE UNLESS HE GETS AN OPERATION WHICH IS VERY COSTFUL AND WHICH HIS MOM CANNOT PAY. ALL FACEBOOK COMPANIES HAVE AGREED TO DONATE 45 CENTS FOR EVERY TIME SOMEONE POSTS THIS TO THEIR WALL,SO PLEASE PASTE AND PASS THIS ON SO THAT TOGETHER WE CAN HELP SAVE THIS BOYS LIFE"

Why this needs to stop:

1.) It's total Bull Shit.

Terrible things happen to people, including children, every single day. So how do I know this is bull shit? For starters, it's been circulating since before there was even an internet. It's true! It's called a "chain letter" because this kind of pap used to come to you in the form of an actual, paper and envelope letter. Like, with a stamp. Somehow, bad people would convince good people (good, but not too bright) to forward this on. Somehow, I'm not exactly sure, this would result in the bad people getting money from the good, stupid people. In the modern form, on Facebook, I'm not sure what the angle is, but I would guess that somekind of spam-bot or other annoyance is what you get for clicking that "forward" button.    I especially like the assurance that "all the Facebook companies" are going to donate 45 cent.  "Facebook Companies"?  What is that? I guess Facebook ITSELF is a company, but who else is being talked about here? Oh yeah...nobody...because the whole thing is utter B.S. .

2.) It's Disrespectful.

Not only to the intelligence of the people you forward it to or upon whose wall you post.  It's also disrespectful to people who actually have real life, non-hoax tragedies in their lives. It's like you're saying "You know who I really feel bad for? Not real people, that's for sure! No..the Na'vi. All they wanted was to live in peace on Pandora but they were mercilessly slaughtered!  I've never actually know a child with cancer, but I'm sure it beats having your magic hippie tree blown up."

3.) It makes you look dumb.

Honestly, as soon as I see glurge in my in-box or on my Facebook, I make a mental note of the person responsible for it and I automatically subtract 40 points from their presumed IQ. If the same person does it twice, well, you're basically what doctors used to refer to in less PC times as an "idiot". That's below "imbecile", "moron" and "cretin".

And I'm not the only one with this built-in bias.

4.)  It's Morbid and Disturbed.

Much glurge is full of lurid details about the worst kind of depravity and evil imaginable. Actually, no mentally-normal, well-adjusted person could imagine it. But somebody did. Think about that the next time you feel the "urge-to-glurge". That story about the little boy who was beaten every day, forced to eat feces, and eventually killed and eaten by his satan-worshipping, reefer-addicted parents? Yeah, that never really happened. But...some sick person thought it all up. And you were so impressed you had to pass it along. What does it say about you, really?

5.) It Makes the World a Worse Place.

Another visual aid is needed here.

Facebook Postings About This:

If this little boy gets 100 shares he can get his heart transplant for free.

FB User 1: I don't know the credibility of this but I wouldn't want to take a chance on a little life...would you?

FB User 2: If this little boy gets 100 shares he can get his heart transplant for free so F B let's help him

I'm quite sure this is an actual picture of a sick child. But he's not going to get a free heart transplant because you click a button. It doesn't work that way. People and charities do, in fact, help children each and every day. But it requires effort, time, money, commitment...basically everything that is the EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE of forwarding a fradualent post on fucking Facebook!

The only...ONLY...reason someone would consider re-posting this is because it would make THEM feel better. It's not going to help that kid (the picture could be 10 years old for all you know) or any other kid. But it might give you a warm feeling about yourself.

And that's where the true immorality of glurge lies: giving people a false sense that "they're doing something to help" when they're doing nothing of the kind.  I can fully imagine a person being asked to give money or volunteer time for sick children and saying, "Oh no thanks. I already hit "Like" on a post about a kid who Bill Gates will buy an iron lung for. I'm good!"

In conclusion, Glurge in all it's myriad forms, is more than just a waste of time. It actually makes the world a worse place. People who perpetuate it are not too bright, have an unhealthy fascination with the morbid, and are really only concerned about how they "feel about themselves".

Think...before you Glurge.