We need to quit calling Joe Exotic the “Tiger King” right f***ing now! Because we’ve found the only man who deserves that title. He’s in Guadalajara and…you know what? Just watch this:

There are just SO many questions that I have about this.

  • Did this vaquero just HAPPEN to be in the neighborhood when a 300 lb. tiger escaped?
  • Did he have his lariat and rodeo duds or did he have to run home real quick and get them?
  • How is he able to run? You know…with huevos the size of beach balls and all.
  • Does the guy with the lasso WORK for whoever owns the tiger? If so, does the owner also employee the guy who’s stopping the tiger with a chair, like a goddamned lion tamer?
  • If they ARE employees, how much do you think they make a week?
  • Who do I have to call to get “Rey de Tigres” here a green-card and a Netflix deal?

The report says that the tiger was wrangled after escaping from “a house” in the neighborhood. It doesn’t say if they owner of the tiger is a drug-lord but…c’mon. We ALL know it’s a drug-lord.