CDC Steers Citizens Wrong on Zombie Apocolypse!

Perhaps you've seen the news that the CDC is giving advice on how to prepare for a Zombie Apocolypse scenarios. Let's look at some of the advice these self-proclaimed "experts" have to offer.

Water (1 gallon per person per day)
Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane

Notice anything missing, good people? All of these suggestions are well and good, but the CDC seems to be forgetting one tiny little MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL! WEAPONS! AND LOTS OF THEM!

Let's see if I can complete this "survival" list for these incompetent buearucratic slug-abouts who persist in wasting tax-dollars in the face of this inevitable undead onslaught.

1.) A chainsaw. Preferably one that has been surgically grafted onto your arm. You'll also want to stock up on gas ahead of time as fuel will be in exceedingly short demand in the A.Z. era. (Important Note: Do NOT skimp and get an electric chainsaw. You'll never find a long enough extension cord to make it a reliable weapon. AND, trust me on this, in the heat of battle, those re-animated abominations do alot of shuffling around and it's just a matter of time until one of them manages to accidentally unplug you. Seriously, get a gas powered chainsaw. )

2.) A shotgun. Pump action .20 Gauge with at least a 20-shell ammo capacity. You don't even have to be a good aim to send these accursed maggot-bags back to the hell they crawled out of.

3.) A .357 Magnum with a single, hollow-point armor-piercing shell in it. This one is for you, in case the situation ever becomes hopeless. Trust me, you will thank me when the time comes to take yourself off the menu.

4.) Baby wipes. Seriously, people, this one speaks for itself. Just because it's the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't mean we can neglect our bung-hole hygeine.

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