A Few Reasons Why Ozzy Osbourne Should Be The POTUS
Ozzy for President? What if he did it?
One argument against the idea .. not that there aren't several ... is that he's not a native-born American. A rule that has been put to the test more than once, most recently with all the Ted Cruz and Obama hoopla.
Ozzy's credentials and titles include, among other things: madcap, musician, drug addict, writer, loving husband and father, film and television star, lousy husband and father, alcoholic, off-road enthusiast, prince of darkness and he loves to travel. If you think about it, he already resembles some previous White House residents.
Here are a few reasons why, impossible as it may be, he might actually make a good Pres:
- Rock fan or not, American or not, everybody loves him. No one would dare harm a hair on his head, let alone take a shot at him. That fact alone will save zillions in security costs. All he really needs is a tour manager ... and a hairdresser.
- No worries about treason among his staff members. Sharon will watch everybody and, as we well know, she takes no shit from anybody. (Especially Ozzy.)
- I believe COVID-19 actually fears him and would go away.
- He won't spend billions traveling, he'll just go on tour. An afternoon with a world leader, an evening rocking tens of thousands who each paid $80-$90 dollars to see him and he's back on Air Force 1 by midnight.
- Speaking of Air Force 1, more savings as he won't need it. He can get the Iron Maiden guys to lend him Ed Force 1.
- Ditto on pilot expenses, I'm sure his bro Bruce Dickinson will drive.
- No nuclear war threat. Other countries, minus some rogue states, won't launch unless we do and Ozzy won't remember the launch codes.
- Ozzy eats bats. That, plus his blood toxicity, gives him the potential to create OZZY-19. (You've seen the movies.) That should settle those pesky rogue states.
- No double-edged meanings or misquotes. No one can understand him anyway so, those that live to twist words will all have to STFU.
- Finally, with all the mumbling, stumbling, forgetfulness and general confusion between the two; a debate between him and Joe Biden would be EPIC.
I want him to run just for the entertainment value of that last one. Not to mention the oodles of money pandemic relief efforts could make off the pay-per-view.