Ozzy for President? What if he did it?

One argument against the idea .. not that there aren't several ... is that he's not a native-born American. A rule that has been put to the test more than once, most recently with all the Ted Cruz and Obama hoopla.

Ozzy's credentials and titles include, among other things: madcap, musician, drug addict, writer, loving husband and father, film and television star, lousy husband and father, alcoholic, off-road enthusiast, prince of darkness and he loves to travel. If you think about it, he already resembles some previous White House residents.

Here are a few reasons why, impossible as it may be, he might actually make a good Pres:

  • Rock fan or not, American or not, everybody loves him. No one would dare harm a hair on his head, let alone take a shot at him. That fact alone will save zillions in security costs. All he really needs is a tour manager ... and a hairdresser.
  • No worries about treason among his staff members. Sharon will watch everybody and, as we well know, she takes no shit from anybody. (Especially Ozzy.)
  • I believe COVID-19 actually fears him and would go away.
  • He won't spend billions traveling, he'll just go on tour. An afternoon with a world leader, an evening rocking tens of thousands who each paid $80-$90 dollars to see him and he's back on Air Force 1 by midnight.
  • Speaking of Air Force 1, more savings as he won't need it. He can get the Iron Maiden guys to lend him Ed Force 1.
  • Ditto on pilot expenses, I'm sure his bro Bruce Dickinson will drive.
  • No nuclear war threat. Other countries, minus some rogue states, won't launch unless we do and Ozzy won't remember the launch codes.
  • Ozzy eats bats. That, plus his blood toxicity, gives him the potential to create OZZY-19. (You've seen the movies.) That should settle those pesky rogue states.
  • No double-edged meanings or misquotes. No one can understand him anyway so, those that live to twist words will all have to STFU.
  • Finally, with all the mumbling, stumbling, forgetfulness and general confusion between the two; a debate between him and Joe Biden would be EPIC.

I want him to run just for the entertainment value of that last one. Not to mention the oodles of money pandemic relief efforts could make off the pay-per-view.


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