Dubba G Tells Of The “Fun” In El Paso FUNerals
Funerals are sad and solemn occasions. Typically. The industry has a lighter side though. I know, I spent a lot of time in funeral homes; especially in El Paso.
My uncle was a funeral director and, since my cousins and I practically grew up in funeral homes, I guess it was inevitable they'd start paying us to be there at some point.
Morbid work but, not always solemn and formal. Not at all. It may look somber and focused up front but there's a circus going on in back.
Trying to move bodies back and forth between rooms, quickly and quietly leads to some straight up slapstick like guys falling down and getting run over by the coffin in the mad dash to clear a room as one one service ends and the next family is coming in.
Casket races. When a truckload would come in, I was usually one of the guys that had to unload it. Setting them on wheeled carriers and pushing them into the funeral home eventually led to races.
Thankfully, we never damaged one as they cost a freakin' fortune.
We had to line up cars in a certain way when there were multiple services so that each procession could follow the right hearse out. Once, when I had parking lot detail, two of our "customers" had very, very similar names.
Yep ... some were parked in the wrong lanes creating a total cluster**** when it was time to leave.
I literally hid until the mess was sorted out and everyone was gone because I knew the director was going to kill me and stuff me in my racing casket.
Funny Happenings During Funerals.
Once a dog slipped into the church unnoticed and decided to take a nap under one of the pews. As the casket was being wheeled in, it was silent except for some soft weeping.
Until the heavy casket rolled over Fido's tail. The place went nuts as a panicked German Shepherd went racing up the aisle, yelping at full volume.
The acoustics in St. Pats are pretty good by the way ... you have no idea how hard it was to keep a straight face through that.
I have other stories but that's enough for now. We can still have a little more fun with death though ...
Morticians: Tagging people since way before Facebook.
Funerals are "grave" affairs.
Funeral directors - The last ones to let you down
Crematoriums must URN your business.
The funeral director was hysterical - he had some "killer" puns.
Autopsies - A dying practice.
How popular are cemeteries?
Very ... people are dying to get in.
Why do ghosts ride elevators?
To lift their spirits.
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