Don’t get me wrong, I love tradition. I also love Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is my #1 favorite holiday that falls between Halloween and Christmas. But there are so many things associated with Thanksgiving that I feel need to be put out to pasture.

Traditions are great but they don’t HAVE to last forever. As an example, I’ll use a Holiday tradition that got retired: roasting chestnuts on an open fire. I don’t know anybody who roasts chest or any OTHER kind of nuts on an open fire. It must have been really popular in the past, though, because we’ve got that song. I think it’s called, “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire.” Also, “wassailing”. What the hell is that? I don’t know and neither do you because we quit doing it like a thousand years ago. And we all know about what happened to mistletoe. #cancelled, #metoo.

Here are my top three suggestions for Thanksgiving Traditions that need to be #cancelled.

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1.) Pardoning the Turkey

This was probably kind of funny the first time they did it. The thought of the President of the United States PARDONING a TURKEY? It’s just so wacky!

The second-year maybe it coasted by on residual novelty. Third-year, people are starting to ask, “How long are they going to let this turkey gag run?”

By the fourth year, I figure it must have run its course.

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2.) Stores Opening for Black Friday on Thanksgiving

I feel like this one is dying on its own. Going out and waiting for the doors to open at midnight is one of the worst “traditions” ever. “Hurry up and finish being thankful, everybody, or we won't have time to be covetous and materialistic!” Now it’s horrible AND unnecessary. Most of the stores are already offering their Black Friday prices online AND in the store. Besides, cyber Monday is where it’s at. Get with the times, Boomer!

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3. ) Volunteering at a Soup Kitchen

I’m not saying don’t volunteer at a soup kitchen. Just don’t do it on Thanksgiving (or the day after). According to USAToday.com, taking your kids down to serve food to the “poors” is actually more of a hindrance than a help. The short version is: so many people want to volunteer on Thanksgiving and then not worry about it for another year, they’ve got more Thanksgiving “volunteers” than they have jobs to do. So, the people who work all year have to spend a lot of their day accommodating do-gooders that it makes THEIR job harder. You want to help, volunteer in April or August. Anytime, really, OTHER than Thanksgiving.

I think I know WHY so many people want to work in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter on Thanksgiving. It’s because they’ve seen politicians doing on television. It makes the politician look good and the local news is happy to send a camera down there. But, the truth is they don’t need you there on Thanksgiving anymore than they need the politicians. Do a news story when an elected official shows up on a non-holiday without alerting the media ahead of time. THAT would be newsworthy.