More Life Hacks for Outlaws

Also known as “Pro Tips for Perverts”, “Tips for the Terrible” and “Pointers for the Pernicious”. Here’s a whole new batch (thanks in part to Reddit) of How-to’s for Horrible People…

• If you want to sneak into someplace just get a Pizza Hut shirt, hat and red pizza delivery box. It usually gets you right in and, unlike dressing like a police officer, it isn’t at all illegal.
• If you want to f@*# with someone at work, turn the brightness all the way down on their computer monitor. It’ll be the last thing they will think to check and when tech support figures it out they will feel like a complete idiot.
• Wad up some paper and stuff it up the coin return at your workplace vending machine. At the end of the day reach up the slot, pull out the obstruction and collect all your coworkers’ change.
• If you have to call for something that you’ll know will take a long time to get an operator, choose the option for “Spanish”. You’ll get an operator much faster and it’s almost a guarantee that they’ll ALSO speak English. Just tell them you “accidentally” pressed 1 for Spanish and ask if they can help you anyway.
• You can now hang up on a boring conversation whenever you want. Just send a text later that your phone lost the signal. Or don’t because they’ll just assume that’s what happened.
• If you decide to throw your drink in someone’s face, Dynasty-style, throw it on their crotch instead. It stays wet longer, is more uncomfortable AND makes it look like they peed their pants! Works best on men.
• You can’t take your own booze on most cruise ships. But Listerine makes a version of mouth wash that is roughly the same color brown as whiskey.
• Need quick money or a new car? Cruise around bars late at night. As soon as you see someone leaving that is CLEARLY intoxicated, crash into them. Since they’re drunk and you’re not, they will automatically be at fault and their insurance will have to pay.