The city of Las Vegas recently announced they were changing their tourism slogan. “What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas”, which surely must have started out as argument to talk a remorseful buddy out of admitting to his wife about the hookers and blow, has been the official tourism slogan since 2003. The new slogan is “What Happens Here ONLY Happens Here”.

I mean…it really doesn’t quite “pop” the way the old slogan does. They really should have asked me for suggestions before they made their final decision. Because, baby, I’ve got suggestions like McCarran Airport has slot machines. Their airport has a lot of slot machines, in case you’ve never been.

  • VEGAS: A lot less violent since we legalized weed
  • Vegas: The Walk of Shame Capital of the World!
  • VEGAS: Spend your one week away from your boring monotonous job sitting in front of a machine and pulling a lever
  • VEGAS! OJ’s Oasis in the Desert
  • VEGAS! Do Our Casinos Ever Lose to Hicks Like You? Sure
  • Las Vegas: May the Odds be NEVER in Your Favor
  • What Happened Here USED to Stay Here but that was before everybody got camera phones
  • Vegas! Come for the Siegfried, stay for the Roy
  • Las Vegas is for Lovers…of Crippling Personal Debt
  • What Happens in Vegas May Be resistant to Antibiotics
  • Las Vegas: Where the Mob has been Replaced by Dozens of Junkies in Filthy Elmo Costumes
  • Vegas! Where Howard Hughes went to Lose His Mind!
  • LAS VEGAS: It's Beautiful . . . If You Don't Look at Any One Thing for More than a Few Seconds
  • Come to Vegas and Do All the Things that are Illegal Where You Live
  • VEGAS! If Robert Kraft Had Come Here, His Happy Endings Would Have Been Legal.
  • VEGAS! In Two More Years We’ll Probably Legalize Coke
  • Vegas: What Heaven Would Look Like if God and Satan Swapped Jobs
  • VEGAS! Now with 30% LESS Chumlee