If Sam Elliot Reviewed the OTHER Oscar Nominated Films

Actor Sam Elliot, who I’ve ALWAYS enjoyed, let loose earlier on Marc Maron’s “WTF” podcast about one film he did NOT enjoy in the least. “Power of the Dog” has more nominations than any other film this year. It’s about homophobia, toxic masculinity, and Benedict Cumberbatch playing a tough-as-nails cowboy. He does this by a.) wearing chaps and b.) puffing his chest up.

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I did not care for “Power of the Dog” myself, but not for the same reasons that Sam Elliot gives. At least not enough to actually say it OUT LOUD.

Sam’s main beef (it’s what’s for dinner) seems to be that a movie about cowboys in Montana was filmed in New Zealand. Everybody knows New Zealand isn’t in the “American West”! It’s in Middle Earth!

Also, “all the gay s***”.

Again, big Sam Elliot fan here, guys. I just thought it would be fun to imagine if he used the same logic to review some of the OTHER nominated films. So, just imagine all of this said with an impossibly deep voice and a distinctive drawl through a monumental mustache.

WEST SIDE STORY

“This kinda crap just galls the f*** out of me. How do you call a movie “WEST Side Story” and it’s not even in the American West?!? Hell, all the f***y singin’ and dancin’ happens in New York City. NEW YORK CITY??? Get a rope.”

DUNE

“You wanna talk about THIS piece of s***? First of all, if you want to make a movie about dunes, why would you do it anywhere OTHER than the American West? There’s the Mojave dunes…there’s Eureka Valley Dune…hell, there’s even a Dunes hotel in Las Vegas. Also, what’s with all this sissy spacemen out in the desert trying to ride each other’s “worms”? It just pisses me the f*** off.”

DON’T LOOKUP

“How about, ‘Don’t Tell ME Which Way to Look’, f**s? You don’t tell an American Cowboy from the American West which way to look. And, sure, I’m not really a cowboy…but I’m an ACTOR who’s played a lot of cowboys. And I’ll look whichever f*****’ direction I f*****’ well please”

DRIVE MY CAR

“It’s like Hollywood is TRYING to destroy the image of the American West. Instead of Drive My Car why not Ride My Horse, pu****s? Oh, and maybe more straight, macho cowboys and fewer Chinamen next time, jerks”