This website has about nine thousand articles extolling the virtues of living in El Paso.

El Paso County Parks & Rec/Disney
El Paso County Parks & Rec/Disney

But, what does Hollywood have to say about our beloved city?

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Surprisingly, most famous movies make El Paso look like a GREAT place to live, work and raise a family.

For instance…

1.) You’ll Beat the Crowd in Case of Another Ice Age

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YouTube Screencap

ACCORDING TO: The Day After Tomorrow

THE SCENARIO: The global climate goes haywire because of…the poles flipping? A sudden surge in the troposphere?

I seem to remember something about the wooly mammoth's undigested last meals. Or something.

WHY EP'S GREAT: When the President announces the evacuation of the continental United States, you’ll be right next to the nearest point of egress to warmer climes in Mexico.

BONUS: El Paso news anchors Robert Holguin and Suzanne Michaels will be there to document your cowardly departure.

2.) Exciting Gun Battles on the International Bridges

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YouTube Screencap


THE SCENARIO: We’ve all been there: It’s an excruciatingly boring wait on the bridge back to El Paso from Juarez.

Thankfully, there are gun battles that happen so regularly that NO ONE IN ANY OF THE OTHER CARS EVEN ACKNOWLEDGES THAT THEY’RE GOING ON!

WHY EP'S GREAT: I’m not going to say that a gunfight has NEVER happened on one of the international bridges.

But, somehow, innocent people are magically protected from any of the fallout from such rampant, over-the-top violence.

Check out the white VW Bug with the New Mexico plates in the clip. He’s got two full car lengths in front of him and he doesn’t even bother to pull up. He’s enjoying the show!

BONUS: There’s another scene in this movie at night with ground-to-air missiles and hundreds of tracer rounds going off. Let’s see Disneyland beat THAT fireworks display.

3.) It’s a Great Town for Your Bachelor Party

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YouTube Screencap


THE SCENARIO: A group of drunk fellas on their (bachelor party/graduation celebration/prom dates with each other) are allowed to stand up with their disgusting shoes all over the nice upholstery of their rented limo.

The driver, identified as “James Howlett” doesn’t tell them to knock it off…even though he just killed, like, SEVEN guys with his metal hand-claws in the previous scene.

That is one chill limo guy.

BONUS: Apparently, there are abandoned water towers all over town that you and your 100-year-old psychic mentor can just take up residence in without anyone hassling you.

Well, I mean…Eventually, someone shows up to hassle you (*spoilers)

4.) Our Proximity To Historic Route 66

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YouTube Screencap

ACCORDING TO: No Country For Old Men

THE SCENARIO: Are you on the run from a ruthless, psychotic assassin? Then head to El Paso, Texas!

Its numerous seedy but cheap motels are perfect for hiding out…right up until the moment when the killer tracks you down and brutally murders you.

But, hey…a whole week for just $24? You can’t beat those rates!

BONUS: According to one of the signs along “Motel Mile”…El Paso is on Route 66! You know…the one from the song.

BONUS BONUS: Albuquerque was used as a stand-in for El Paso in this movie. Route 66 actually DOES run smack through the middle of Albuquerque.

That’s also the closest point from Route 66 to El Paso. So, they were only off by about 266.2 miles.

5.) Our Vibrant Diversity of Religious Traditions

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YouTube Screencap

ACCORDING TO: Manos: The Hands of Fate

THE SCENARIO: El Paso is home to churches, synagogues, mosques, and a cult of murderous polygamists led by “The Master” and his man-servant the satyr-like Torgo.

If you get lost and stumble upon their commune you can be expected to be welcomed into the group as if you were family.

Unless you’re the husband. In that case, you’ll definitely be killed by Torgo.

BONUS: This film, often called “the Citizen Kane of terrible movies”, actually WAS shot entirely in El Paso.

For under $100 by the looks of it. As bad as the movie is, it serves as a perfect snapshot of what the city looked like in 1966. Fun fact: that was the same year that Texas Western won the NCAA basketball tournament.

So, 1966 was a mixed bag for this city. Still, I think anyone from El Paso would enjoy watching Manos just for the views of Rim Road, the Lower Valley, and Torgo’s deformed yet supple dump truck.

KEEP READING: 10 classic board games that will take you way back


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