After taking a bad rap for the past 50 years, bacon is experiencing a moment of cool status thanks mostly to horrible, horrible hipsters. With KLAQ's third annual BaconFest, (or BaCONN as I like to call it), only a couple weeks away, here are some bacon-inspired items you can order and have in time for BaconFest/your quadruple bypass.

1.) "I Want to be Bacon When I Grow Up" Children's Book

Melvin is a young piglet who dreams of becoming bacon someday. As the catalog explains, "This story is great for introducing where food comes from and it's also a fun reading experience."

Because nothing delights a child as much as meeting a new, anthropomorphic friend and finding out that YOU'VE BEEN EATING HIM THIS WHOLE TIME OH WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, MOMMY, WHYYYYYY?!?!

2.) Bacon Soda

Have you ever fried bacon and then looked at the layer of liquified grease left in the pan and thought to yourself, "I'd like to refrigerate that and drink it later"? No? Me neither.

3.) Bacon Toothpaste

You remember how 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommended chewing Trident? Well, this is what that fifth doctor recommended instead. His license was revoked and he now does back alley root canals in Jalisco.

4.) Sexy Bacon Dress


Ladies, have you ever gone out to a club and felt like all the men there were looking at you like you were a piece of meat? If you haven't, wear this dress and you can finally know what it feels like, you hideous she-orc.