30 Not So Dirty Thoughts I Had Watching ‘365 Days’ on Netflix
The pandemic lockdown must have been getting to everyone because for a while there, "365 Days" was mentioned EVERYWHERE. Memes, Tweets, Facebook, TikTok all of it was flooded with scenes and quotes from this movie. It was most described as "better than '50 Shades of Grey,'" which to begin with was not that great of a movie- so already we're off to a good start. There was a hot guy, so naturally I was intrigued. As a lover of movies, and hot leading men, I thought this would be a good use of my time. I. Was. WRONG.
Watching this movie was such a chore. It took me over three weeks to watch this movie- mainly because I had to stop reflect on what I just watched. If you haven't seen it, I'll try to refrain from spoilers, but trust me, you're not missing out on much. Here are 30 not so dirty thoughts I had watching "365 Days."
1. This is off to a not so great start, they just killed the dad of the hot guy. Super dramatic.
2. It's now five years later- great a time jump, those work so well.
3. So he's in "business" in San Francisco, and who I am assuming is the main girl is in Warsaw? The subtitles say they're speaking Polish, so yeah, I guess she's in Poland.
4. This back and forth is super confusing. What is happening? It's stressful to watch.
5. Okay, so they're both intense about their jobs but yet it's insinuating how lonely they are.
6. Who is she sending those dirty videos to? Is she live on social media?
7. Ew, this chick's boyfriend is ugly. And a jerk.
8. Well, this got intense fast. He's on a private jet and basically just forced a stewardess to satisfy him orally, but everyone is still around him? What is happening?
9. Oh, she has to satisfy herself alone. Because her boyfriend is a jerk.
10. Okay, it's the girls birthday. Also, I've just realized her name is Laura.
11. Oh, Okay, I understand the "are you lost, babygirl?" memes now. Also, super cringey how she ran into him. Was he just following her? Was he the one who sent the champagne? How did he disappear so fast?
12. She's running away from the jerk boyfriend, but now someone is totally stalking her.
13. Yup, there it is. Someone has just kidnapped her.
14. Imagine waking up in a mansion like that?
15. That big ol' mural of her is not alarming at all. Just find a way out girl!
16. Nope, too late, he's got her.
17. So he kidnaps her, puts her in this huge mansion and she has 365 days to fall in love with him? It's like "Beauty & the Beast" only no talking furniture.
18. He's like Edward Cullen and the guy from "50 Shades of Grey" just watching her sleep.
19. This poor guy is a babysitter to her. I wonder if he dies.
20. I love a shopping montage, but this one is still creepy.
21. The poor chef probably thought he was going to die.
22. Here's that infamous shower scene everyone is trying to recreate. It's super cringey!
23. I'm fast forwarding, because this guy, although he is hot, is a terrible actor. And this scene is hella awkward.
24. Ladies and gentlemen, one hour and nine minutes in, she has officially "fallen in love" with him because they finally are doing it. It's been, what? A week? She didn't need the 365 days.
25. This boat scene is the closest thing to porn that is on Netflix.
26. A masquerade ball? How groundbreaking.
27. I'm fast forwarding because it looks like the next few scenes are just them going at it like rabbits.
28. She's blonde now, I fast- forwarded too far. I obviously missed an important plot point.
29. She's going to marry him?! She's pregnant? Also, I just found out his name is Massimo.
30. Did they just kill her off? WHAT?!
That was a mess, y'all. But the pandemic may be getting to me because I'll totally watch the sequel.