This just in, people! Donald Trump is actually the best at over two dozen things.

I know that recently a few Negative Nancy's have started to think that maybe Mr. Trump wasn't the best choice that we could have made. Well, thank God, we can now put all that silly nonsense to bed once in for all!

I have proof that Donald Trump is the best at at least 28 separate and distinct "things". I know because Donald Trump himself said so...


I have to admit something. For a couple days last week even I was starting to think that maybe, possibly, Mr. Trump wasn't the best at everything. I'm happy to say that this video has totally allayed all my fears! What the hell was I thinking??

I was especially heartened at the end when Mr. Trump reassured us, "Which is why I alone can fix it". Because if there's one thing I've learned from history it's that when a strongman-style leader tells us that we're not afraid of enough things and that he's the only one who can save us, it always turns out for the best!

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