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6 Surprising Upsides to the Government Shutdown

As of 12:01 EST yesterday morning the U.S. Government has been closed. “Non-essential” programs have been stopped and most of their employees are on furlough. At least 800,000 federal employees are sitting at home without pay…and the ones still working are doing it for free and hoping they get back-pay when all this gets sorted out.  National Parks and monuments are closed. A lot of government funded medical research is on hold or has been scaled way back. This weekends Army/Air Force game may have to be canceled.

But, it’s not all doom and gloom. I am a positive, glass-is-half-full type of person. I always look for the silver lining.

So, here are my…

6 Surprising Upsides to the Government Shutdown.

1.) You can eat all the bald eagle you want.

No national government means no national bird. Little known fact: bald eagles are the most delicious animal in the world, described as tasting like a cross between kobe beef and maple syrup.

 2.) No Speed Limits.

You can drive as fast as you want. No police will hassle you. Just be on the lookout for roving gangs of “Road Warrior” style marauders.


3.) Since state parks and monuments are closed, now’s your chance to finally sneak into Mount Rushmore and have that Jefferson’s Head Picnic you’ve always dreamed about.

            Also, Lincoln Memorial Lap Rave!

 4.)  No TSA at Airports.

          No lines. No scanners. No pat-downs. For the duration of the shutdown a verbal promise to the gate attendant that you won’t do anything “terroristy” will suffice.

 5.)  Everything is Legal

         Reminder: All emergencies services will be suspend during the government shutdown. All crimes are legal for the duration of The Purge.

  6.) No Congress

             Which means the Capitol Building will be transformed into one of those seasonal Spirit the Halloween Stores.

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