If Contraceptives Become Illegal, El Pasoans Can Use These Items

The big talk in the country, as we all know, is the possible overturning of Roe V. Wade. It's also been noted that many Texans are in favor of banning abortion, if that happens. Which in turn could possibly affect other scenarios, like the ability to purchase contraceptions, which was the basis of Grisworld vs Connecticut.

But we're not going to talk about which side I'm taking nor or are we going to dwell into the politics of the case. Instead... we're going a different route: if the Supreme Court decided to ban the purchase of buying contraceptions, what alternatives could the fine citizens in El Paso use in their place?

Get our free mobile app

A Balloon

The bulbous body is quite accommodating and balloons even come with a drip point (yes...that's what it's actually called.) The only potential drawback here is how tight the lip, that thicker thing at the end you blow into to inflate it, and snug the neck. The upside is probably won’t come off…ever. AND extra points for creativity if you can make it shaped like a balloon animal.

Saran Wrap/Cling Wrap/Parchment Paper

If you need to..."wrap up" something... the potential for an uncomfortable fit is almost guaranteed. The question is comfort or protection, what matters most? Plus, for guys who don’t know how to offer a gentle touch, this will surely slow your boat down.

Tin Foil

Speaking of wrapping...despite it actually being an effective option we’re only recommending it for any women who wish to inflict bodily harm on their male participant. File this one under “I’ll show him.” It could be the perfect option for any one-last-time concession when you really don’t want one more time.

A baggie

It won’t stay on, but think of the fun you’ll have trying to figure out how; and without hurting oneself. Not to mention the foreplay will go on for a REALLY long time...

A Hamburger Wrapper

You can EASILY choose any chain of restaurants but the ones that come to mind:

• Wendy's: Their slogan & catch phrase used to be “Where’s the Beef?”... Come on now THAT's funny. Think of many puns you can come up with!
• Whataburger: I mean... we LOVE Whataburger in El Paso. It just seems like a perfect fit...

A Tortilla

Talk about a snack in the bedroom. Just grab one fresh off the grill for your..."burrito" and wrap that rascal. The heat will likely produce a scream so blood curdling & high pitched, she’ll run in fear of the blistering that’s sure to follow. Even if she doesn’t, you’re done. Well done, medium, or even charred rare, good luck getting that thing to perform after the scorching so mission accomplished. No accidental pregnancies with this method. You could also try use the plastic wrapper off of a frozen tamale (it SORT OF looks like a condom already when you take it off) or the corn husk. Just remember to throw them away afterwards...

Hopefully we won't HAVE to resort to such...drastic measures. But IF it does, we have ideas that... might sorta work.