Ozzy Osbourne has announced a Halloween costume contest: dress up as a version…any version…of Ozzy and submit your picture at his official website. The winner will receive a bone autographed by Ozzy himself. It doesn’t say whether or not it is a human bone but I would be sorely disappointed if it weren’t.

Here are a few of my ideas that I think would have a strong chance of winning you that Ozzy bone. I’ve also included the supplies you will need to pull off the look (wearing an Ozzy wig and round sunglasses goes without saying).

1.) Cat Murderer Ozzy

Overview: According to his first wife, Thelma, she came home one night to find that Ozzy had decided to kill their pet cats. All 17 of them. According to Thelma, she found Ozzy “under a grand piano in a white suit with a shotgun in one hand and a knife in the other.

Supplies: White suit; shotgun; knife; multiple cat stuffed animals; fake blood to cover cats and white suit.

Downside: Story is fairly obscure. You may need to print out copies of the Enquirer article to hand if you want anyone to get it.

2.) Snorting-a-Line-of-Red-Ants Ozzy

Overview: And old story that was recently recreated in the Motley Crue biopic “The Dirt”. Ozzy was so wasted he snorted a line of red ants using a straw.

Supplies : Straw; ants (real or plastic); speedo and bathrobe (this incident supposedly happened at a hotel swimming pool)

Downside: Maybe didn’t really happen; to complete that scene in “The Dirt” you’ll need to lick your own pee off the ground.

3.) ATV Rollover Ozzy

Overview: In 2004 Ozzy flipped over on an All Terrain Vehicle and ended up in a coma for 8 days.

Supplies : Flipped over ATV; fake blood, contusions and abrasions.

Downside: Have to buy or rent an ATV. So maybe just put on a hospital gown, lie in bed and go as “In a Coma After an ATV Rollover Ozzy”.

4.) Little Nicky Cameo Ozzy

Overview: Ozzy appeared as himself in the Adam Sandler movie “Little Nicky”.

Supplies: White leather suit; unhingeable CGI jaw; Rob Shneider

Downside: NOBODY saw this movie. Almost certainly, Ozzy doesn’t remember having done it.

5.) Pee on the Alamo Ozzy

Overview: In 1982 Ozzy was in San Antonio and took a leak on the Alamo.

Supplies: Womens clothes because Sharon had hid all of Ozzy’s clothes to keep him from going out and getting drunk. So, of course, he just put on HER

clothes and went out and got drunk; model of the Alamo; Penis

Downside: Ozzy was actually banned from San Antonio for over 10 years so he may be unwilling to choose this one just to stay on their good side. Also, he

probably doesn’t remember this one either.