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The Only Trick You’ll Ever Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Everyday people ask me, “Buzz, what advice would you give for surviving the day when the dead rise from their graves and roam the Earth again?”.  My answer depends on which Zombie Apocalypse scenario you’re talking about. If it’s the original Night of the Living Dead, then my advice would be to hunker down in a secure, locked location and wait for the military to do it’s thing because those are some slow, stupid-ass zombies. If we’re talking about the Zombies from the previews of World War Z, then you’re probably buggered because those suckers look fast!

Let’s assume for a moment, though, that we’re talking about Walking Dead zombies. In that scenario there is just one survival technique you need to know. You can learn what it is by clicking the jump link, below, to go to the next page…

artwork by The Ferret

There it is. The one and only lesson you need to survive in the world of The Walking Dead.

Get as many kittens and puppies as you can lay your hands on. This shouldn’t be too difficult since there are going to be thousands of pets suddenly left without owners. For a snausage, they will gladly follow you to the ends of the earth (which, for them, won’t be very far at all).

As we re-learned from this week’s episode, the Zombies of The Walking Dead aren’t only interested in human meat. Living flesh of any kind will keep them occupied. So, as soon as you have walkers on your tail, reach into your handy puppy/kitten satchel and pull out a plump, cuddly, moist-eyed treat for the brutes.

Many of you may be shocked that I’ve chosen to use puppies and kittens instead of rats, which is what Morgan used to bait the Walkers on TWD on Sunday. There are two reasons for this choice: 1.) Rats, squirrels, possums and other vermin would be much too difficult to capture, carry and release.  And, 2.) Rats! EWWW!

So puppies and kittens it is. One other note: you’ll probably want to break their legs before you throw them to the undead horde. The last thing you need is for one of your zombie bait-puppies to lead the zombies right back to you wagging his tail for another Snausage.

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