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Stephanie’s Craigslist ‘Missed Connection’ Stalker Responds

Stephanie and Johnnie at Streetfest
Watch out, stalkers! I have Johnnie Walker for protection. And he's trained for the zombie apocalypse. Photo courtesy of Raul Martinez

So, Fernie pointed out the other day that someone had posted a Missed Connection on El Paso’s Craigslist about me. I responded to the fellow’s post here on KLAQ.com. In his post, the man described every detail of the outfit I wore at Streetfest 2012 on Saturday night. Well, the author of my Missed Connection responded to my response and his response couldn’t be any creepier.

In his original post, the man, identified only as m4w 30, wrote:

You were wearing a rectangular black-frame glasses, black tank-top, skirt with horizontal stripes, beautiful long legs, and long brown hair. Oh and you were also sporting a Burberry purse too. I saw you in the VIP section of the El Paso Street Fest tonight. You definitely caught my eye multiple times tonight. I was very impressed by you.

I responded to him here, and posted a link to the response on Craigslist. Well, the gentleman has responded, with the creepiest response EVER, saying only that he was watching me from the hotel window.

Now, the VIP area of Streetfest WAS set up on the roof of the Convention Center so I was somewhat visible to those observing the event from a distance. STILL, the hotel is about three football fields away. To describe that many details about my outfit, I’m guessing this (not so) gentle-man had to be watching me with binoculars. So, here’s my response to his response:

Dear m4w, whom I shall henceforth refer to as “Creepy Dude.”

Dear Creepy Dude, despite what your mother may have told you, honesty is NOT always the best policy. There was nothing obligating you to be honest with me and let me know you were watching me, employing the same techniques used by a sniper, at Streetfest. In fact, here’s a list of things you could have told me that would have made you more attractive to me than someone watching me with binoculars:

  • You were a janitor and spotted me in the VIP section as you finished cleaning the urinals in the men’s room with your tongue.
  • You’re Dick Cheney.
  • You noticed me as your mom braided your back hair.
  • You were in VIP but were too afraid to approach me because you had terrible flatulence.
  • You wanted to approach me, but were scared I would laugh at your cape.

In closing, I suggest, for the benefit of your future romances, you avoid informing women you first saw them using binoculars. Kisses!

- Stephanie

MORE STREETFEST 2012 COVERAGE

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