Contact Us

Pumpkin Burger (And 5 Other Foods that Should Never be Made out of Pumpkin)

technabob.com

Here is a list of all the foods that I like that are made from pumpkin:

1.) Pie

That is all. There is no other food in the pumpkin family that I have any interest, whatsoever, in eating. So, why the obsession with using October as an excuse to turn pumpkins into as many horrific food items as possible? I mean, if it really tasted good, they’d make them all of the other 11 months as well, right? I call this my Holiday Food Corollary: if a food is only good enough for one particular time of the year, it’s actually not good and your mind is just playing tricks on you. The only exception to this corollary is Cadbury Eggs. Why do we only eat these at Easter?!? Those things are awesome!

Pictured, above, is the new Pumpkin Burger from Burger King. It is being offered exclusively in Japan and only for a limited time. The Burger King Pumpkin Burger features…

        features a hamburger patty with bacon, lettuce, a special sauce, and, of course, slices of pumpkin.  The special sauce is made from sesame seeds, peanuts, almonds, cashews, and hazelnuts.

Now, I new the Japanese people were into some pretty sick stuff (tentacle porn) and will eat some pretty weird food (literally anything that has ever lived in the ocean) but this pumpkin burger must be a new low of depravity. Look at the picture of that thing! It looks like a pile of  the world’s thinnest sliced cantaloupe and, I can’t be sure, but underneath the pile it looks like a sad, aborted ghost fetus is trying to poke it’s head out. Yum!

Below, you will find a list of 5 other pumpkin-based food items that are unholy should not exist. Then, a song that I’ve written about this unnatural obsession with pumpkins is included in MP3 form.

1.) Pumpkin Pringles

Kellogg

Pringles are pretty good. They’re not my first choice, but there not bad.  Never have I been eating Pringles and thought to myself, “If only they could taste a little more like pumpkin spice”.   The only good thing I can say about the Pumpkin Spice Pringles is that they surely can’t be as disgusting as the White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles !!  Was the owner of Pringles about to lose his business in a divorce settlement and was doing everything he could to devalue the company by making all the cans look like room spray?  Actually, I’d rather eat room spray.

Speaking of which….

2.) Pumpkin Crisps

The Country Tart

I’m feeling a little peckish. You know what I could go for? A bunch of potpurri my mom got at Tuesday Morning served in the top of the Holy Grail that Indiana Jones loses at the end of the The Last Crusade.  There could be 5 Praying Mantises in that bowl and you would never have any way of knowing.

3.) Pumpkin Soda

I drink a lot of soda but I tend to stick to the name brands like Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper.  According to the Maine company that makes this abomination ( I’ve never had it but I’m 100% certain it tastes like the stuff the dentist makes you rinse with) it doesn’t actually contain any pumpkin. Instead, it has “water, organic cane juice and spices like nutmeg, clove and allspice.”

This stuff looks so awful that if I was stranded on an island and I had to choose between it and high-quality bottled spring water, I would die of dehydration.

4.) Pumpkin Vodka

Pinnacle

I’ve had really good, expensive vodka before. It doesn’t taste like anything. If you want to drink vodka that tastes like pumpkin pie, maybe you should pick up a different hobby. You really don’t have what it takes to be a serious alcoholic.

5.) Pumpkin Tacos

Paul Cypher

This sounds horrible but at least it looks like there’s a bunch of other stuff in there so maybe you can’t taste the pumpkin. At least it looks like somebody finally found a use for all their old Duran Duran LP’s.

Oh, yes…and here’s the song about using a perfectly good jack-o-lantern to make a taco out of…

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

More from KLAQ

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your points and personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

*Please note that your points, prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account with your Facebook account, just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing profile and VIP program points. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to http://klaq.com using your Facebook account.

*Please note that your points, prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

Register on THE Q ROCKS quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!

Not a Member? Sign Up Here.

Sign up for an account to comment, share your thoughts, and earn points to get great prizes.

Register on THE Q ROCKS quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!