Grumpy Cat says, "I covered your mother's nipples once, it was awful!"

I thought I was a crazy cat lady, until I saw these. I can't imagine how grumpy cat could turn a guy on but if it does, I guess it's only because the guy wants to play with another kitty.

Nipple tassles and pasties aren't just for dancers anymore! Etsy has created some of the weirdest pasties you might think of buying but I wouldn't recommend these for Mother's Day.

Starbucks pasties will get any Johnson ready to work all day! The more caffeine you consume, the longer you can swing your tassels.

You will want to come onto the dark side with seeing these awesome Darth Vader pasties. Just don't use too much of the force, Chris Brown!

Bacon or Masturbation? These might make you and your decision a little harder.

Your friendly neighborhood Spiderman will protect your nipples from the Green Goblin, Venom and trouser snakes! When I first saw these, all I could think about was this.

For those women with a gun fetish and maybe weirdly shaped nipples, strap on these killer pasties.

If you don't want to cover up the girls, they make some awesome merkins! Don't google merkins, it will freak you out.

It seems that males and females could strap on this pineapple to attract lovers to their forbidden fruit. If you have seen Scarface on TV, do you remember what Scareface says when they ask him, "How did you get that scar?" Well when edited, he got it from eating too much pineapple. It all makes sense now!

Cover your kitty with this freaky looking cat merkin! Just put googly eyes on your bare skin and I think it will look cuter than this thing!