My Completely Serious Email To My Boss About Why I Need 12/21/12 Off
When I think of December 21st, 2012 I get seriously worried. To the point where I wouldn't want to spend the last few hours by myself. So here's my plea to my boss of why I need to have that night off.
I know I am on vacation but I wanted to ask this of you before I came back from vacation. I know that I am scheduled to work on December 21st and 22nd because it is a Friday and Saturday but I was wondering if there was any way possible that I could have those nights off. I can work during the day on the weekend. Whatever would be easier for you.
I know it is strange but I an extremely fearful person and would much rather spend the impending apocalypse with my family.
If the Mayans and Chinese don't kill off the world on December 21st you are more than welcome to make fun of me for the rest of my career with KLAQ. If they do, at least give me a gun that you can spare when I try to fend off zombies in the desert around El Paso.
If you would like me to give you reasons why I believe the world is going to end on December 21st, I have a list of the top reasons the world is going to end:
1. The Mayan Calendar
The calendar predicts that the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012. Considering that their culture was correct on the lunar cycle, I feel the need to believe their mathematic and scientific equations to be pretty correct.
2. Sun storms
The sun’s energy is cyclic like the circle of life, and has been stable for us since the beginning of human life. Recently, the sun has been having more storms that have knocked out power grids and satellites and is believe to reach a peak in 2012.
3. The Atom Smasher
Scientists in Europe have built the world’s biggest particle accelerator. It seems like a lot of math I can’t comprehend and they discuss things like quark-gluon plasma so all I got from this is if they mix some particles that haven’t been mixed before, there is the chance of mini black holes and the galaxy being reduced to nothing. Neither things that I would want to see in our atmosphere. The experiments are being done as we speak underneath France and Switzerland. I like Switzerland but France, I’d be cool with them gone.
4. The Bible
The date for Armageddon and the last epic battle between good and evil is being interpreted as sometime in 2012. Also, the Chinese and Hindu readings have similar interpretations in their texts.
5. The Super Volcano
Yellowstone National Park houses the world’s largest volcano that is overdue for an eruption that could fill our atmosphere with ash and put us in a frozen winter for 15,000 years.
6. The Physicists
They have said that the earth is due for a giant catastrophic event and the best calculation is for it to happen in 2012.
7. Earth’s Magnetic Field
The earth’s poles are supposed to switch places every 750,000 years and we are about 30,000 overdue. When it happens there is an amount of time that we wouldn’t have a magnetic field and the sun’s UV rays will turn us into human bacon.
8. Half of the 10 biggest earthquakes since 1900 have been in the past 8 years
We all know how devastating those were.
9. Last 6 months have been the hottest on record…
Between January and June and it doesn’t even feel like winter yet.
10. With the largest tornado outbreak …
March 2012 had the largest tornado outbreak on record.
11. With one of the worst droughts ...
12. Europe had one of the coldest winters ever on record
Which has killed hundreds of people there.
13. Dick Clark died
Which obviously means there can’t be a New Year’s.
14. And especially this....
If you would like to know his response, here you go:
So.....did I get the days off?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!