My mother has been requesting me as a friend on Facebook for a few months now. I thought by now, she would get the hint. Instead, she continues to guilt trip me into adding her. So here is my list of why I will not add my mother (and you too Auntie Ida) as my friend on Facebook...and I continue to consider deleting my older brother as well.

  • I Cuss Like A Freaking Sailor

    I feel the need to add "motherfriender", puta, eff u, or the naughtier version of coke sucker into at LEAST every other sentence. It's my way of life and I have been talking like this since I was younger. Just call it part of my overall charm. I am reminded daily by Albert (my brother) and my mother that I need to clean up my language. If you both even knew what my apartment looked like, you would realize there are bigger beasts that I should be cleaning at the moment.
  • I think my mother still thinks I am a virgin.

    Yes, everyone laugh your asses off right now. But apparently finding an empty condom rapper in my back seat in high school didn't give off a warning that maybe I'm not as innocent as they think. I think both my parents believed that I spent the night at my guy friend's houses just because of pure convenience. And I'm still a little okay if they don't openly ask me that horribly awkward question on my sexual activities. Thanks guys!

    Trojan Condoms
  • I don't need the world to know all the pet names you call me.

    Being the baby of the family I have earned a lot of pet names in my time in this world. Baby girl, morenita, LisaNay, and other less okay ones like monkey are not necessary for my friends to see. I also don't need the comments of how pretty your daughters are and how much my mommy loves you. Trust me, my sister and I know how we turned out and I know you love me. You still let me use your credit card today remember?

    Photo Courtesy Flickr user Andreas.
  • My pictures in general.

    Now, my profile picture may be sweet and make me look innocent, but I have almost 500 pictures on my Facebook and about half of those are inappropriate for my mother's eyes. As much as I love motor boating all my girlfriends out there, and throwing up the peace sign and duck face 5 beers deep, my mother doesn't need to see that. Neither does my brother for that matter. Still considering deleting him......

    Photo Courtesy of Coachellafest and beer
  • I like to talk about sex.........a lot.

    Whether it be positions, places, or what toys to bring into the bedroom with you, its all on display for people to read and talk to me about. But unfortunately mother (and her crazy sisters I call my aunts) I don't need you telling me where I should be getting down with my man and how he would like it. I was conceived by you, I don't need to know the details on how it happened.

    Photo Courtesy Flickr user Joaquinuy