POINT — Horrifying Trump Relevation — Likes His Steak WELL-DONE with KETCHUP

If these reports turn out to be true, I believe impeachment will be the only recourse. Numerous media outlets are reporting that Donald Trump ate out at a D.C. restaurant for the first time as POTUS on Saturday. The restaurant was in the Trump D.C. hotel.

This next part is difficult to describe. Sensitive readers may want to skip the following description.

 "...the president ordered his 28-day dry-aged New York strip steak well-done — and then ate it with ketchup."

The steak was described as a 16-ouncer that cost $54.

Ordering a $54 steak well-done with ketchup is like buying a Maserati, painting it lime green and slapping a "My kid is an honor student" sticker on the bumper.

I hope the president addresses this in his speech tonight. The American people deserve to know if their president eats steak like a 5 year old, Mr. Trump!

Here are my guidelines for eating steak: 

• Never any more than medium rare. I eat my bloody rare but I know not everyone has the evolved taste buds that I've been gifted by God.
• Never put any condiment on a good steak.
• No, not even A1.
• If the steak isn't good enough to eat without a condiment, send it back. They're probably trying to serve you armadillo that they found dead on a road.
• If you're going to eat like a child, you should be treated like a child. First of all, you should have to order off the kiddie menu and choose between Mac and Cheese or a corn dog. If, however, you insist on having a burnt, ketchup-slathered steak, the chef should be allowed to serve you the cheapest cut they have (probably a Trump steak from Sharper Image) and you should have to do the connect-the-dots on the back of your menu while Melania cuts your meat up for you. So you can eat it like a big boy.