Happy Walking Dead Valentine’s (Courtesy of Etsy)
Etsy, if you’ve never checked it out, is an awesome website. It’s a place where artisans, designers, creative types and other assorted weirdos go to sell their original creations. Want a TShirt featuring fugitive L.A. cop Christopher Dorner? Etsy’s got that. How about a pocket mirror with an image of Jesus gently cradling a velociraptor in his arms? Etsy’s got you covered there too.
Today, though, I’d like to share with you my favorite Walking Dead themed Valentine’s cards from the creative and hard-working oddballs at Etsy…
This is a nice one that says “I’d chews U”. Get it “chews U” instead of “choose U“! Because you want your Valentine to know that even if you became a zombie and we’re reduced to little more than a brainless, relentless, gnashing stomach, you’d still prefer the taste of her flesh over anyone else’s. And isn’t that what love is really all about?
“I’d Follow you anywhere”. I’m just hoping the inside of the card says, “…because once you’ve cut my jaw off, severed my arms and tied a chain around my neck, I wouldn’t really have much of a choice, would I ??!”
1st Rule of Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: Don’t fill obligated to let loved one’s corpses have “dibs” on your brains.
Yeah! Cupid would probably really suck at killing zombies with that twee little bow of his. On the plus side, Cupid doesn’t have a racist, homicidal one-handed brother. So he’s got that going for him.
I don’t know if Rick likes killing walkers so much as it’s something he has to do. Now, Daryl, that’s another story! Daryl loves killing walkers! That’s who you should be comparing your love to. Daryl’s love of killing walkers is much greater than Ricks. Here are a few more ideas…
“I love you more than Glenn loves having a girlfriend who isn’t also Asian”
“I love you more than Zombies love having an Otis thrown to them.”
“I love you more than Kevin Smith loves hockey jerseys”
“I love you more than Michonne loves Andrea’s vagina. At least, that’s what I think that dynamic is all about, but I could be wrong.”
Now this one is a cute litt…wait just a second. What the hell is this? It looks like Rick Grimes is holding word cards like the character in “Love Actually” who was also played by British actor Andrew Lincoln!!! Except, in “Love Actually” the words weren’t written in HUMAN BLOOD!! I think it’s plain to see what’s transpired here. Andrew “Rick Grimes” Lincoln has crossed over into the “Love Actually” universe and murdered the Andrew “Mark” Lincoln character and used his blood to write love cards to Kiera Knightley, who he’s for some reason mistaken for his dead wife Lori.
Uh, guys…I think it’s time to vote for a new leader of the group.