It is with great pride and journalistic integrity I am honored to be able to break this sports story right here, right now.

In an effort to capitalize on America’s World Cup fervor to leave work early to go to a bar, Major League Soccer announced its plans today to move all games out of prime time to an only week day late Morning and Afternoon schedule. This will allow America to continue to display the passion they have exhibited for the 2014 World Cup.

This schedule change was considered to be in the best interest of the game when after conducting a poll; it was uncovered that 99.9% of the U.S. population was found to not be aware the MLS was playing games during this same period during which the World Cup is taking place.

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The sources for the preceding information have been asked to remains anonymous, because if you can’t tell the satire when you read it, you shouldn’t be listening to Buzz Adams and the KLAQ Morning Show anyway.