Worst Rock and Roll Tattoos Ever (with my snide comments)
You may know how I feel about tattoos. Sure, they look cool now. But that “Nickleback Forever” is going to be about as rockin’ in 10 years as a “Hootie rules” tat would look today.
And if you have somehow avoided body art this long, for God’s Sake do not, repeat, DO NOT finally give in now. In the early 90’s there had to have been some poor sap who finally decided to grow his hair into a “mullet” which had been the cool default hair style of rock stars and male porn stars alike for the better part of a decade. But you don’t want to be the guy who gets a mullet after it’s already become a universal joke. You see, tattoos have had a good run as fads go. Much longer than I ever would have thought. But getting a tattoo now is like being the last guy to get a mullet. Except this would be a mullet that you can never cut off without a laser beam.
With that preface, here are some of the worst Rock tattoos of all time with my expert analysis included.
#1. Horrible Hetfields.
Okay, the first one looks more like an homage to Bert Lahr singing “If I Were the King of the Forest” from Wizard of Oz.
Number 2 clears up why James Hetfield is such an awesome guitar player. He has 6 fingers on his left hand!
#2. Bad Bon Jovi
Bon Jovi is Forever. None can doubt that.
But, apparently, that tat isn’t Forever. It looks like it started running after getting caught in a sudden rain shower. This is the first tattoo I’ve ever seen that has it’s own stretch marks!
#3. Nikki Sixx Dollars was Too Much to Pay for this Tattoo
This gentleman is obviously a big fan of Nikki Sixx. Which makes me wonder why he would choose to get a tattoo of an Orc from Lord of the Rings instead of Nikki Sixx.
Also, it appears that Orc-Nikki is about to be smote by a giant star-fish that someone has set on fire and tossed at his head. Sometimes I really regret all the drugs I didn’t do during the 80’s.
#4. Krappy Kid Rock
“I’m going to get a Kid Rock tattoo! But to be different, I’m going to get that tattoo from the carnie who draws caricatures for $5 a piece at the State Fair!!”
Also, the proximity to a Kid Rock fan’s arm-pit may explain the disdainful facial expression that seems to be asking, “Who queefed?”
#5. Iron Maiden: Boner-Slayer.
Ladies. If you still need to ask what we men want to be looking at when we slap you into the dog, here is your answer: A re-animated corpse running over a battlefield of other corpses while aiming to spear our rapidly shrinking penii with a Union Jack. Please don’t make us explain this again.
If I get a substantial response on this post, I am totally ready to do a sequel of even more awful Rock tattoos. Thanks for reading and remember…”No tatties on the titties, gals!”