WHOA NELLY! The El Paso County Sheriff’s Office just busted a bunch of lovely ladies for alleged prostitution last week. As I scrolled through the mugshots, I noticed most of them had one thing in common - they’re pretty!

I can’t fathom what would make a teenager get into prostitution and let me preface this story with something that might save my soul later. Don’t do it, girl. It gets better. Crack is whack. Just say no. Insert another commonly-used phrase here encouraging women to not sell their hot pockets on the street.

Now, moving on.

Here’s Sylvia. She’s 23, enjoys eyeliner and sparkly clothes.

EPCSO

Meet Alexa. She’s 18, enjoys hairspray and maybe long walks through the mall. 

Meet D’Erika. She’s also 18 and doesn’t enjoy the snotty looks Alexa gives her. She also doesn’t like eyeliner.

Meet Monique. She’s 19 and a huge Star Wars fan. Actually, that’s not true. I know nothing about her.

Below is Alicia. She’s 21 and will straight up cut you. At least that’s the vibe I’m getting from her mugshot. She also spends a lot of time plucking her eyebrows.

Meet Nallely. She’s 19 and her name was originally Natalie at birth, but this name is way cooler.

Meet Kaitin. She’s 22 and will also straight up cut you, but for half the cost of Alicia.