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Crazy UTEP Butt Grabber at Large


I am really getting tired of this unknown attacker…

Since September 30th the UTEP and El Paso police departments have been investigating cases of “incidents where females are being followed by an unknown male who either grabs their buttocks or lifts up their skirts”.

Luckily, UTEP sends out e-mails every time some weirdo decides to be a sneaky arse ninja. In the three e-mails I have received this Fall semester, he has appeared on September 30th, November 1st, 2nd,7th and has returned on the 28th.

The attacker has been described as a Hispanic male, in his 20’s. So now I must fear 90% of UTEP’s male students. The latest incident happened in a Taco Bell parking lot. Someone really can’t get his fill of loco tacos.

Don’t get me wrong I think this is a serious situation. We need to find this attacker because I’m tired of reading the word buttock in e-mails. There is just something about that word I can’t stand, buttocks…UGH. Once I see or hear the word, I just think of Forest Gump getting shot.

I don’t really have to worry because I’m as flat as a board. I think we should bring Kim Kardashian to UTEP, use her as bait, hopefully catch the guy and then make him marry her or hopefully he has pink eye by now.

Until he is found, let us all take the advice of YouTube Sensation Antoine Dodson.


What do you think UTEP should do about this criminal knocking on our back door?

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