I went out of town over the holidays and I asked Brandon and Fernie to go and feed/check-in on my dogs. A simple request. And before you start telling me I shouldn't be complaining since they were doing me a favor, I've done them both much bigger favors. MUCH bigger. They owe me.

Christmas Day ... CHRISTMAS FREAKING DAY ... I get worried texts from them.

Dude, gnna get real cold 2night. What should I do wit yo dogs?!?

What CAN you do? Knit them a sweater?

WTF bro?!?! Do you want me to leave them inside??

Now, I should probably mention, I grew up on a farm.  The idea of letting a dog into the house would have been no less outrageous than letting one of the cows come in and get cozy. It just something that wasn't done.

My dogs are German Shepherds. A few hundred generations ago, they were wolves. DURING THE ICE AGE!!

Do wolves need to come inside when it gets down to 32?

So what do these dum-dums do? They just put the dogs INSIDE MY HOUSE and leave.

Here are the results (WARNING: These images may be disturbing for people who appreciate interior design)

Buzz's Dogs Eat Carpet
The Carpet
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This is what they did to my carpet.

Actually, it's an area rug. I can't believe my dogs would munch my rug like that.

Buzz's Dogs Destroy Bedroom
My bedroom
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Let's see if I can make out any of the remains. Looks like a few books. A shoe. My daughter's stuffed animal. Is that my shaving razor?? And a prescription bottle??? WHICH THEY SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET THE CHILDPROOF LIDS OFF OF!!!!

Buzz's dogs destroy garage
Garage
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Buzz's dogs destroy garage
Garage
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This is ... was ... my garage. There wouldn't be any reason to tear open bags of potting soil except for plain old spite.

Oh, also, I know someone who's giving away two one-year-old German Shepherds. To a great home, please. Or, not. Whatever.

 

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