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What Happens When I Go To The Gym

So everyone knows I hate working out. It’s necessary so I do go running everyday but I can’t get myself to actually have the drive to go to the gym and work out. Or go to any sort of work out class with a group. I prefer to suffer in silence alone. So here is what I would think would happen if I went to a work out class and the problems I would have.


My first complaint about going to the gym is the fact that you have to drive there. I barely have enough energy to put on my gym clothes and walk out the door, let alone drive all the way to the gym. I know, it really isn’t far to go to the gym but I don’t have a problem going to the bar in my gym clothes, and if I’m driving to the gym there is a chance I would make a pit stop.

Second, when I walk into the gym, I hate when I don’t know how to use a machine and have to awkwardly stand next to it, waiting to see if there are directions on it somewhere to show me how to properly use it. Nothing is worse than having to act like you know what your doing and pulling a muscle. Which has happened a few times.

Usually when I get to the gym my ADD kicks in which is the worst at the gym, people watching time is in full effect. All I want to do is stare at people while they work out, they seem so much better at it than me.

I seem to do better at running on the street, mostly because there is no one there to distract me, or a water fountain for me to congregate at with my friends. Plus treadmills are dangerous to me, I still haven’t quite figured out why I can’t comprehend if you speed up on the treadmill the treadmill doesn’t realize it. Then you will fall off.

Another thing I hate at the gym is when I have a really good workout, I love a post workout cigarette. Nothing better than running 3 miles then enjoying a nice Camel Turkish Silver. But the gym rats look at you like you are eating a cheeseburger in front of the treadmill window. Calm down people, it’s going to kill me, not you.

What is the one thing that could get me to attend a gym or workout class regularly? ALCOHOL. If you made a yoga happy hour class I would be there everyday. Give me a mimosa in the morning with my downward dog position (I’m talking about the yoga position, although I wouldn’t be opposed to a morning delight) and I would be at every yoga class. Anyways, here is a video of what I would assume yoga class would be for me and my friends if we ever tried organized exercise.

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