After losing to Ted Cruz in the Iowa caucus, Donald Trump was all rainbows and sunshine about the Hawkeye state. Except...bullcrap! We all know what he was REALLY thinking about Iowa.

The man who called Rosie O'Donnell a fat pig is gracious to Iowa for voting him second? The man who called FOX News a disgrace is cool with corn? The man who calls anyone who even questions him a loser is saying Iowans are winners?

No. Freaking. Way.

So, we put our Vulcan Mind Meld through the space-time continuum and attached ourselves to The Donald's brain and...rich...I'm rich...y'uge...I'm an incredibly smart and wealthy m...Must...STOP!

Whew! I could almost feel the weight of the hairspray.

But, yeah. There is a speech Trump really wanted to give to the Children of the Corn, and it is nothing like the speech he gave.

In a manure-intensive state like Iowa, it's a sure bet they saw right through the BS. At the end of his speech, he even told them that he might come back and by a farm! Certainly, there are many people around the world who are hoping Donald Trump will have bought the farm...politically-speaking, of course.

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