Warped Tour Moving Stages Farther From Crowds to Stop Sex Offenders?

Due to national sex offender laws, 2017 Warped tour stages will be moved farther away from the crowd.

The Vans Warped tour has become a summer tradition here in the Borderland and returns to Las Cruces August 1st, featuring I Prevail and a ZILLION others. (Get tickets here.)

This year though, you'll have to enjoy it from a little farther away. According to The Hard Times:

“This measure is unfortunate, but we see no other solution,” said Daniel Reeves, head of public relations for Warped Tour. “Would we prefer to run a tour that doesn’t have at least one sex offender on every stage? Of course! But this is the music business, after all, and it has a rich legacy of creeps. Maybe when pop-punk and metalcore fall out of fashion, we can try again.”

Drew Parker added that:

“An intern suggested we hold an ethics seminar for our musicians on how not to abuse their power as rock stars,” said senior Warped Tour ethics advisor Drew Parker. “The seminar would teach them general rules of human decency and valuable life lessons, such as why picking up girls at the show is a bad idea.

For more absurd details, click here. This, by the way, is TOTALLY a joke and complete BS. (You knew that though, right??)