Update on Real Life “Planet of the Apes” Scenario is Texas

Earlier this week, Lisa Sanchez posted about a bunch of baboons who went on the run from a research lab in San Antonio.

The four baboons enjoyed a brief period of freedom before they were returned to the facility. This all sounds like a fun, wacky story in which no one got hurt...until you realize that the baboons escaped from the Texas Biomedical Research Institute which does research on chronic and infectious disease. Which means these plucky escapees were returned to a place where they will be infected with horrible diseases, poked, prodded and maybe even vivisected. Vivisected is the scienc-y word you use when "dissected while still alive" seems like too much of a bummer.

So, if you picture the predicament of Cesar and the other apes in the reboot of "Planet of the Apes" (the James Franco one, not the Mark Wahlberg one) then you get a pretty good picture of what these baboons have to look forward to: a lifetime of despair and torture before eventually rising up against their human tormentors and learning how to ride horses.

Now, we have found out HOW the baboons were able to make their escape. We assumed they simply overpowered Draco Malfoy , but the staff of the Research Institute has revealed that the escape happened after the baboons were "rewarded" with a 55-gallon barrel as an "enhancement toy". Translation: you guys are going to have a horrible life so here's a barrel to entertain yourselves with until your eventual sad deaths.

The baboons reportedly used the barrel to climb over the wall of their enclosure. So, this incident has two cliches that come into play. First, the whole escapade was like a "barrel of monkeys". And, since the other three monkeys followed the first one over the wall it was a literal case of "monkey see, monkey do".

Also, the baboons are once again up to their "monkey business". That is, dying horrifically in the hopes of one day curing male pattern baldness.