Things This Geek Would Like to See in the New Star Wars Films

More details are coming out about the next Star Wars movie, scheduled to be in theatres in December 2015.  It’s being officially reported that the film will take place 30 years after the events in Return of the Jedi and will feature “a few familiar faces”.

Since Return of the Jedi actually came out 30 years ago and since Mark Hamill has been reportedly been seen working out to get back in Jedi fighting shape, it makes sense that the next movie will feature an older Luke, Leia and Han.

Disney has compiled a panel of “Star Wars Canon Advisors” to decide what parts of the Star Wars saga will be considered official canon and which will be ignored in the next movie. Some things are a given.  Since Jar Jar Binks was in the three prequels, there’s no way that he will be scoured out of the official canon. As much as we’d all like for that to happen. The unspeakably vile 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special, in which Bea Arthur sings a torch song in the Mos Eisley Cantina…is probably not going to make the cut.

For the record, “Star Wars Canon Advisor” is what I used to say to my 5th thru 12th grade school counselors when they would ask me what I wanted to do when I grew up. If I were on this gold-star panel, here are some things I would push for.

1.) Ewok planet destroyed. All Ewoks now extinct.
2.) Other “light” weapons other than just “sabre”. Light-berserker ax would be something worth lobbying for.
3.) Disenfranchised former Storm troopers agitate for “clones rights”.
4.) William Katt, Sissy Spacek and Kurt Russell…the original front-runners for the parts of Luke, Leia and Han…in some kind of clever cameo. Possibly Sith Lords.
5.) No kid actors under the age of 17.
6.) Maybe not every planet has only one kind of climate?
7.) Let’s see one of these midichlorians we keep hearing so much about.
8.) Ragnor vs. Sarlaac. Make it happen.
9.) Hey, JJ Abrams…go easy on the camera flares, fella.
10.) Let Quentin Tarantino direct a couple of stand-alones. May I suggest “Inglorious Bothans” or one about Boba Fett’s father called “Jango Unchained”?