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Things a Modern Gentleman Never Does

According to British magazine called “Country Life” there are certain things a 21st century gentleman never does. I will show you the top ten item on their list. Then, I will share my own.

1. Wear a pre-tied bowtie.

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2. Drink Malibu coconut rum.

3. Buy bright-colored pants.

4. Tweet.

5. Put product in his hair.

6. Write with a cheap ballpoint pen.

7. Forget his wristwatch.

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8. Walk out on a play.

9. Own a cat.

10. Finish his food before everyone else

And, now, my list of things a modern gentleman never does.

1.) Wear gym clothes unless you’re going to the gym. Preferably, one would take a gym bag, change into work-out clothes and then, concluding the work-out, shower and redress in more appropriate attire. You don’t lose any points for just wearing your sweats to the gym, though.

2.) Drink with a straw.
Exception: If you are in a hospital and have both arms in casts. Then, sip away.

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3.) Gossip on social media
Exception: If you are a schizophrenic with multiple personalities and one of your personalities is a fourteen year old girl. Who’s a bitch.

4.) Get in line at the grocery store without having all your sh*t together.

5.) Borrow money from a friend.
Exception: You’re going to pay it all back as soon as you are able. You would rather starve or (gasp) shut off your cable and WiFi than go a single day longer than is possible with a debt to a friend on your back. Ditto acquaintances, parents and relatives.

6.) Selfies.

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7.) Those Croc looking shoes with the individual toes. You might as well wear a T-shirt with a message to let girls know you have no interest in ever having sex.

8.) Duck his responsibilities. This goes for child support, alimony, and not half-assing it at your job. If you’re not going to take of the things in your life that you are responsible for, you’ll never be a gentleman. One more thing about the child support: if you are paying the child support but you’re not seeing your children every chance you get, you’re robbing them and yourself. As Don Corleone said to Johnny Fontane, “A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.”

9.) Talk down to servers, valets and drive thru window personnel. There’s an old saying that you can tell if someone’s actually a good person by the way they treat “the help” (hey, the quote is kind of old). Remember, the guy taking your order at McDonald’s may not be making as much as you, but he still goes to this crappy, low-paying, low-esteem job instead of just sitting at home waiting for a hand-out. In my book, these folks are the ones with the real work ethic. Don’t be an a$$hole to them.

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10.) Post pictures of yourself with not shirt on. No one, male or female, wants to see this. If there were a demand for this someone would be paying you for it. They’re not, so keep it covered, Putin.

 

 

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