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The List of Words We’re No Longer Allowed to Use on KLAQ.COM

     Yesterday, all our staff received an e-mail of over 40 words we’re no longer allowed to use in our posts.  The reason we were given is that our site won’t turn up in Google if it (the website) contains inappropriate language.

Let’s do an experiment. Think of the most obscene word or phrase you know. Now, go type THAT into Google. Something tells me you won’t come back with an empty result.  In fact, there’s probably a list of several hundred things that could get you sentenced to a caning in Malaysia.

And the words on our forbidden list aren’t just the ones you would expect.  Our list has common…almost wholesome, by today’s standards, words!  Certainly by Internet standards.  I want to share some of these “filthy” words we are no longer allowed to use here at  but…how?!?  I’m not supposed to use them.

In fact, the “com” in “.com” a couple sentences back is probably drifting into some pretty iffy waters.

I’ll do my best:

1.) The word that means “female dog” that you hear only on network sit-coms that air later than 7 pm!

2.) That same “female dog” word with “ing” added to the end of it.

Adding ” ‘in” to the end of the “female dog” word is still under dispute. Our attorneys say they will let us know before Christmas.

3.)   The word that the Bible uses when they mean “donkey”.  The one that no one other than your great-grandma still thinks of as even being a bad word.

4.) The word for a female’s chest that rhymes with “tubes”. Scott Ronson can no longer have the “word that rhymes with ‘tubes’ ” of the day.

5.) The thing babies drink milk out of that rhymes with “zipple”.  Not the rubber bottle “zipples”. The other kind.

6.) The word that means “a woman who exchanges love acts for money”. Not the one that rhymes with “booker”. The one that rhymes with “boar”.

7.) The word that rappers use for the one that rhymes with “boar”. Except they don’t say, “boar”.  They say, “bo”.

8.)  The word that goes before “sapien” in describing what species humans are. Seriously. From now on we’ll have to say “gay-sapien” when talking about humans and “gay-mogonized” when talking about milk.

9.)   The proper term used for a certain elicit substance that some people smoke and it makes them want to listen to Santana music.

Again, seriously.  I’m not pooping you!  We can’t write the word (rhymes with “bear uh lawn uh”) that they say on the local newscast every time there’s a big “bear uh lawn uh” bust by the DEA, Also, we can’t use the other word for “rhymes with bear uh lawn uh”.  You know, the one that rhymes with “Hot” and can also mean “cookware”.  As in “Well, ain’t that the “rhymes with HOT” calling the kettle “b-word”?” The word that can also mean “invasive vegetation that crows in your garden and you have to get rid of it with a “rhymes with “bo” ” ?   Also verboten.

If all this seems a little overly sensitive for the website of a station where MOST of these words are actually said on a nearly daily bases and plays music that actively glorifies many of these things we’re no longer allowed to write about.

Well, I don’t make the rules so don’t come “word that means ‘Female Dog’ ” -ing to me about it.



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