NO, WAIT! I'm not saying our Haunted House isn't great. It is extremely great and at a reasonable price and you should totally go. It's open every night at 1323 Lee Trevino.
What I meant was, here are some signs you would see if our Haunted House wasn't living up to it's usual high, terrifying standards...
1.) The only thing being "haunted" is our conscience for charging 10 bucks for a 10 minute walk-thru.
2.) None of our “evil clowns” are as evil as the ones used as fast food mascots.
3.) Instead of spending money on expensive zombie makeup, we just hired meth addicts.
4.)Kids under 12 aren’t allowed in. Not because it’s too scary but because some of our employees are required by a court order to stay 500 feet away from children.