Stupid Criminals Are So Entertaining – Man Shoots Self in Genitals and Bar-Tab Skipper Impaled on Fence!
The decisions people make can be really entertaining. It's fun to watch people get drunk and let different parts of their personalities out, unless you hang out with a bunch of violent drunks, then not so much. But it seems that the criminal element thought processes are much more entertaining by far!
Cases in point:
1. Man Impales Himself on a Fence while Skipping Out on His Bar Bill
A unidentified 30-year-old North Carolina resident (they know who he is, they're just not telling us) ran out on his bar tab after an argument about it yesterday. While attempting to escape what must have been the granddaddy of all bar tabs, he tried climbing one of those fences you see at the end of action or horror films. (You know the ones where they always impale the bad guy after a long fall from the top of the building where they fought the good guy!)
It took eight firefighters to get him off the fence, using saws, hydraulic cutting tools and a cutting wheel. They eventually cut him off the fence...well, mostly...and sent him and eighteen inches of fence, including the spike that went through his leg to the hospital.
He was actually in pretty good shape. He was texting and making phone calls. He was very cooperative,” said Lt. Max Chiasson, Manchester Fire Department, told WHDH.
This guy was really lucky he missed everything that could have killed him. The only way he could have been less in danger of hitting anything vital is if he'd impaled his head. I hope that bar tab was HUGE!
2. Felon Accidentally Shoots Himself in the Genitals Before Gun Sale
Who knew it was illegal to shoot yourself in the genitals? Apparently not this genius, 36-year old Tavares Donnell Colbert of Oklahoma City.
First off, the guy is already a convicted felon. So he shouldn't have a gun anyway. Second, he was alone in his car, waiting to sell this firearm to someone. (I'm assuming he hadn't done the legal background checks on the buyer to make sure he could legally sell this gun to him. Or done any of the paperwork to record said sale. Or even prepared a receipt. Somehow, this transaction is sounding less and less innocent. Hmmm)
While "preparing the gun" for this mildly questionable sale, the gun went off, shooting him in the genitals. (I didn't want to know if it was the frank or the beans, it's not really relevant to the story. But penis.)
This brain surgeon then did the only smart thing of the evening. He drove himself to the hospital.
Police picked him up there and probably learned the whole brilliant scheme while they were saying the words, "You have the right to remain silent."