Scarlett Johansson’s Tat is Ugly! And, it’s All the Rage
Actress/least-superpowered-of-the-Avengers Scarlett Johansson got a new tattoo on her rib cage. It looks like it was done by an un-artistically gifted 8 year old with A.D.D….and a case of the hiccups.
Seriously, it’s crudely drawn and looks like something that you might get in exchange for a carton of cigarettes.
However, it’s the work of a very hip and famous French artist who goes by the name Fuzi. The “poorly drawn” look is his milieu and, apparently, people are on a waiting list to pay large sums of money to have him doodle on their body.
In this post, I will show you some samples of his work and ridicule them.
Here is a closer look at his work on Ms. Johannson (aka, the only Marvel hero whose superpower is “gun”).
Let’s just zoom in a weensy bit more…
“Lucky You”? As in “Lucky Whoever You Are If Your Close Enough to be Looking at Scarlett Johansson’s Bare Ribcage”? Fine. I can accept that. I won’t call this tattoo “sexy”, but when we’re talking about Scarlett Johansson anything free of oozing discharge is still going to be pretty damn sexy. But what if you’re not a beautiful movie star/ barely-super hero? How well does it work for you then?
“Bow down before me! For I am Mer-taur with Fingers for Legs! Worship me or I will slap you not fully attached scales or swish you with my tail that consists of two thin hairs!! Arrggh!”
If you’re a guy (which it appears to be) this is actually the 2nd worse tattoo you could have if you ever get sentenced to prison. #1 would be a lower back tat that says “Insert Dong Here”.
Also, it looks like your unicorn’s vagina is bleeding.
“Exorcisme” is, of course, French for “If you ever try to cut my legs off at the knees, I will shoot eye lasers and direwolves will leap from my bowels. Also, I have a mullet.”
Fortunately for all of you, I am fluent in French. “Beau Gosse” means “I like a giant one-eyed monster”. And, “a vie” means “in the ass”. You’re welcome.
This tat is saying “I am Forever Young. But not like the Rod Stewart song. More like a deformed horse with a carrot sticking out of his eye, gout, and his nuts tied in a knot.”
It could be a sign that I’ve been looking at these tattoos for too long, but it took me 30 seconds to finally realize that I was looking at a shoulder and not a deformed butt-crack.
This one should be obvious: a wolf-frog biting the shit out of the ghost of a vaudeville tap dancer.
Finally! One that’s self-explanatory.