The El Paso Times reports that a man has been "inappropriately grabbing" women near UTEP and that this has been going on for over a year!

Artist's Composite Sketch

We've already discussed our own plan for vigilante justice (it involves walkie-talkies, dressing Fernie in a skirt and some of those Kenyan runners on the UTEP track team).

But before we can proceed, we need to establish a nickname for the assailant. "Jack the Ripper". "The Boston Strangler". "The Coral Gables Cock-Puncher". All of these famous fiends had catchy nicknames. Here are a few suggestions for what we should refer to this local miscreant as...

           The Miner Masher

           The Pay Dirt Pervert

The Sun Bowl Stalker

            Jack the Gripper

            The Miner Behinder

            David Cop-a-Feel

            The Booty Bandito

            Seize-Her Chavez

            The Cabooser Gooser

            The Marquis de Sad


That's all I could come up with. Actually I should have stopped before "The Cabooser Gooser". If you have any to add to the list, please feel free.