My Top Ten Reasons For You to Start Watching American Horror Story: Coven
I couldn’t get into the last two seasons of American Horror Story, but I am addicted to the third season. If you haven’t been watching, American Horror Story: Coven, you need to start before a voodoo minotaur ends up at your front door.
Before you go on reading, there are a few spoilers throughout my list but don’t let that stop you!
American Horror Story: Coven has taken over my Wednesday nights. This show isn’t anything like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, these girls are deadly. The story revolves around Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, which sounds like it should be related to the X-men but it’s for young witches. Only four witches are currently enrolled in this school after causing chaos in their regular lives. As a decrease in witches becomes a problem, the Supreme played by Jessica Lange returns and is the baddest witch you will ever love.
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I can’t catch you up on all the details because we are six episodes into this season and you should really see all this madness for yourself. I promise within the first ten minutes, you will be under their spell and here are a few reasons why.
Zoe Kills Men With Her Vagina
In the first five minutes, we are introduce to the newest coven recruit, Zoe, played by Taissa Farmiga. She ends up killing her high school boyfriend while they are having sex. After the bloody death, her parents feel this is the best time to tell her their family secret and send her off to the coven. I would love to have that power.
Marie Laveau is the powerful Voodoo queen, played by Angela Basset. For years, the Coven had a territory treaty with Laveau but that has been broken. Now they are at war and we all get to view some really disturbing voodoo practices. They involve killing so many animals, tons of blood and I learned when they mix them together, you get sexy fertility spells.
You can not have a show about witches without burning one of them. In Episode 5, “Burn, Witch, Burn” we get to see a traditional witch burning and she goes out like a boss. I do not want to spoil it for anyone so this is just another reason you need to watch.
They Create the Perfect Boyfriend
After Zoe and the amazing Madison Montgomery, played by Emma Roberts, go out and end up killing some frat guys, we see one of the most gruesome scenes ever. These girls end up going into the morgue and putting all their favorite boy parts together in order to bring back Zoe’s lover, Kyle. The only thing she keeps that was originally from Kyle, is his head. This marvelous Frankenstein creation is still around but is dealing with some serious issues.
Killing Zombies with Chainsaws
In last week’s episode, we saw voodoo zombies attack the coven. Zoe saved the day by grabbing a chainsaw and slicing these evil things in half. I was so excited to see this scene since I am a huge Evil Dead fan, so I admire anyone who uses a chainsaw to kill the dead.
A Freakin’ Minotaur
The gruesome story of the Minotaur in American Horror Story: Coven, is something you need to see. It is just so brutal and crazy, I wouldn’t be able to do it any justice. This mythical creature is actually Marie Laveau’s lover and you will be shocked at what happens to him. It really is a MUST WATCH!
Crazy Sex Scenes
I mentioned sexy fertility rituals early in the post and so far we have seen two pretty disturbing ones. Zoe’s sex scenes are just brutal murder scenes. The worst sex scene on this show had to be the one with the Minotaur. I really don’t want to describe it so you need to watch it.
A Really Creepy Butler
Spadling is the handy butler for the coven. He has been there for years and has lived through the craziness caused by the witches. He has two great qualities, he can cook and has no tongue. He is the man most girls dream about.
The language between these women is very unladylike and I love it. The dialogue between them is that perfect comic relief that is much needed after so many disturbing situations. My favorite line so far would have to be from Queenie, played by Gabourey Sidibe, about one of the witches being dead, “If she’s dead it’s probably because she got drunk and offered the grim reaper a hand job or something.”
The star of all three season of American Horror Story, Jessica Lange is phenomenal as the coven’s supreme witch, Fiona Goode. She is so manipulative and plain evil but yet you find yourself rooting for her. She has the best insults, advice and black dresses. I’m afraid of what might happen to her character by the end of this season but I can’t wait to find out.